Hello, and welcome to the Still Space podcast. I'm your host executive coach, Mary Lee Gannon, where my guests and I share fun and simple strategies to manage yourself so that you can show up the way you want in work relationships in life and not default to past behaviors that leave you disappointed. The still space is where you learn to take an intentional moment to challenge habitual assumptions that hold you back with enlightened truths that boost your genius. We transform drama, resentment, doubt, unmet expectations, and self sabotage to executive presence, self control, deep sleep, healthy choices, and more connection with people who matter while it still matters. It's time.
I invite you to subscribe to this podcast and get any of my free publications at my website, maryleegannon.com, where you can also learn more about working with me.
Speaker 1: Hi there, friend, And welcome to episode 121 of the still space podcast. Transition versus evolution, when you don't know what is next and it scares you. Every one of us has been through a transition. Let's be clear on what a transition is. A transition is going from one continuum of life into a new realm.
1st day of school, 1st day of college, 1st day on the job, a heartbreak, a layoff, having been terminated, a divorce, death of a loved one? What about moving to a new home or town? Or cleaning out and selling your family house, the home that you grew up in, because your parents are either gone or have transitioned into assisted living. How about being an empty nester, or being diagnosed with a serious illness, or finding out that someone you love has been diagnosed with a serious illness, or caring for aging parents, caring for a loved one, your own retirement, the retirement of somebody close to you, downsizing where you live, The list goes on. And in this episode, we will explore the thoughts behind these transitions that lead to the difficult emotions that keep people stuck.
I know a lot about this. I have a lot of clients that are in transition. I have specialized in this for many years. I'm gonna show you how to honor those difficult emotions and not turn away in fear, because that's how we stay stuck. You're then able to open the door to new thoughts that create new emotions that lead to a blue sky life, not a pinhole version of, oh, I'm gonna be here forever.
It is a time to rediscover your true identity, this epic phase of your life. You think that this is a difficult phase, but this could be an opportunity. That's why I call it the epic phase of life, so that you can live a happier life, not with the same old habits you've been carrying around. Get a better role or explore something new and enjoy better relationships with the people who matter. Your identity is not tied to your existing or previous situation in any circumstance.
It is tied to your core. Let's discover what's there. One of the hardest things about making any transition that could be moving from a corporate leadership role to a new career. It could be a transition you've been laid off, and now you have to find a new role, and you want to be open to different industries and different positions, instead of just going after the same one. It may be time for you to start a business, or even think about retirement.
One of the hardest things about all of this is reorientation and establishing purpose. This is when you start asking the hard questions of yourself, relearning what does and doesn't work for you, so you can get the most out of a new phase of your life. You get your personal, emotional, geographical, and financial plans in sync. And you think, oh, that's enough. You know, I have a financial plan, and I have all of these things set up.
Why am I not happy? Why am I not feeling anymore at ease about this? Yes. Even for those who plan well in their forties, fifties, and sixties, and find they need to start something new, it's hard and scary and disappointing sometimes once you get there and you feel you're not prepared. And often, you've lost connection and identity.
You've lost those relationships. You've lost the purpose behind what you're doing. I work with many people that are moving into retirement or have been laid off and are thinking about starting a business and they're a little bit scared about doing that. And they've just tied their whole persona to that role. Who hasn't done that?
I've done that, right? I've I've thought of myself as the leader, the executor, the strategic executor. I have all these decisions I'm making all day long. What would happen if that wasn't the case, if I wasn't doing that job anymore? Well, what would I do with my day?
Well, the truth is there are a lot of things that you could do, but you can't do them when you're stuck in the mindset of, oh, well, my whole life is tied up with my work. I'm gonna show you how to move past the impediments to your fulfillment and build a heart centered life that you'd love, because that's what you deserve. So it's a 3 step process. When we are going through any transition, the first step is reorientation and purpose. This is where we have to unravel the tension of the situation.
It's not all about finances and finding a new role. You want to know how your values and beliefs influence your decision. Because when you understand that, then you can see how those values and beliefs will influence any way that you lead, anything that you're doing. Do you know what your values are? And values are simply things that are at your core that no one can take away from you.
And here are some examples. You may have a core value of a sense of humor. You may have a core value of your family being a priority to you. And this is what most people will say, oh, my value is my family. But it has to go deeper.
It's richer than that. Do you value being autonomous, having a lot of creative freedom? Do you value having structure in your life? Do you value timeliness? Do you value honesty?
Do you value a certain playfulness about things? These values are sometimes what we lose sight of, especially when we're out of alignment. That's the time where we're saying, well, I'm just stuck. It's always going to be this way. No.
Let's go back and examine what's important to you. Who are you when everything else is stripped away? Those are values. And sometimes, we adopt beliefs around those values that don't serve us. Now, here's an example of that.
Well, I value having a lot of creativity and autonomy in my work. And if I retire, now this is where and listen to what I'm going to say here. This is where we're moving into a belief that is flawed. It is not tied to the value. It's a story we're telling ourselves.
Well, you know, but in retirement, my whole world is revolving around all my relationships at work. I won't have any power. I won't have any with anybody. I won't be able to control anything. This is subjective.
This is a story. This is fiction. Fiction. It's a belief that we're telling ourselves wrapped around our value of being able to do something that makes a difference. And I know how to do it and I do it very well.
And when I lose that ability to do that, all these other things are going to fall apart. Well, how do you know you're going to lose your ability to lead others, to do purposeful work, to find something else that is fulfilling and go down the rabbit hole of, well, I want to be in relationships. No one's going to respect me. I won't be doing anything that matters. This is what happens to us.
We take our values and we attach these assumptions to them that are fiction. And we want to challenge those. We want to challenge the beliefs. We want to rediscover the values, and then challenge the assumptions and beliefs we've tied to those values. This is where you can take power over those assumptions.
The ones that don't serve you, almost all assumptions don't serve you. So you can activate your personal practices. Now, what are personal mindful practices? These are the practices that I teach my clients that are very important to keeping you grounded. What are your mindful practices?
Do you work out every day? Do you, have a slow cup of tea in the morning and reflect on being in the moment? Do you do yoga or meditation or prayer or any other centering mindful practice that helps keep you in the moment. So we want to make sure that we have a daily routine that includes these personal practices. Be not because when you're doing them, you're saying to yourself, this seems kind of silly, but no.
What you're doing is you are preparing your mind for when it wants to go off on the fiction trail down the flawed beliefs assumption trail to fiction stories that you tell yourself so that you can bring yourself back to the moment with a very deep, slow breath in a still space, and center yourself with a challenge question of, well, I know that I value the creativity and whatever else it is that I value that I get to use at work. Am I open to exploring where else I may put that to good use. And interestingly enough, what I find is a lot of people who are in transition start to realize that there are other values that they have that they haven't been exploring. So they're getting back on the work treadmill to nowhere is not really going to keep them fulfilled. They can actually be very still, and notice some things that maybe I don't want to get up really early in the morning and start doing things.
Maybe I just want to and whatever that is. Read. Do something, innovative. Explore this. Do some writing.
Go back to, some handy work that I used to do. And that's fun for me. It's okay to have some fun. And in this slowing of the mind, more clarity comes your way and you start to see vision. You create a vision board of what you want to be doing with the new found time that you have, or in this new role that you're taking, you have a little bit more of an opening.
You might start a business. You might find a new role. You might do a lot of different things. You are not married to whatever I need to fill the same kind of role to be happy. That's step 1, reorientation and purpose.
And once that's in place, my step 2 is called identity and connection. This is where you let go of the image you have of yourself in previous roles. So you can allow for and discover who you are in any situation. In previous roles, you solved problems and that was valuable. And that made you feel good.
There might be something else where you can solve problems, and that might just be in your own garden. That might be at a local school, helping them do something. You might serve lunch. You might find that they have an IT problem that maybe you can help with. Lots of ways.
And, you know, it's it's interesting because once you have a lot of time on your your hands when you haven't had that in the past, that's a gift. Not something to fear. But we can't get to that place until we have self acceptance. And this is why I work so much with my clients on being self aware of what our mind trap is doing to us, and then regulating self regulating that mind trap. And then self accepting that, you know what?
I'm pretty awesome here. I don't have to keep myself busy to feel valued. This is where you want to recognize family dynamics also. And family are often most often very well meaning, loving people. But they also if you're in transition and you just were laid off, or terminated, or thinking of leaving a job because you're unhappy, or retiring, they're all they have their own fiction stories that they are telling themselves, which might sound like this.
Oh, my gosh. What are we going to do for income? Or, oh, my gosh. Now he or she is going to be around all day. What am I going to do with this person around all day?
So these family dynamics are good to figure into this 3 step process. Because they can influence let's go back to the values and the beliefs that are associated with those values. And sometimes those beliefs are fiction. Those family members can start to influence those fiction stories that we tell ourselves. And when you're more aware of those in the self awareness phase, this is where you can draw healthy boundaries around your time, and newly discovered interests and connections.
These things that you are exploring sometimes deserve a boundary. And a boundary is simply an invisible line between what you will and will not allow. Let me say that again. A boundary is an invisible line between what you will and will not allow. And so what that sounds like is this.
Well, you're going to not have income right now, a family member could say to you. What are we going to do to make that up? Well, I'm working on an answer to that. But in the meantime, I am using my time to explore this. And I think that is going to be something of value where I can bring an even higher purpose to this family, but I need some time to do that.
So you're saying to somebody, I respect what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. I understand what you're saying. And this is what I'm doing right now, and here's why. It's so funny.
I just watched, the Netflix series, the perfect couple with Nicole Kidman. And if you haven't seen this series, it's a Ellen Hildebrand book that was converted into a movie, and anything with Nicole Kidman in it, I will watch. It was a fabulous series. But the best part of it was at the last episode, where she stood up to her family. And I think this resonates with lots of people in their forties and fifties and sixties.
She stood up to her family and said, I'm done covering up. I'm done putting up with all of this. I'm done. And she it was a perfect example of boundaries. I encourage you to watch the series and pay very close to that attention to that last scene where she's where she basically puts it on the line.
And I see this in my clients all the time. They may have put up with things for a very long period of time. And at some point in their life, they're not going to put up with it anymore. And for those of you in relationships where you can sense that maybe something you're doing is annoying somebody, or something that they're doing is annoying you, I guarantee you, because I've been watching this I've been coaching for a very, very long time, and I've seen it in everybody that I've coached. At some point, they won't put up with it anymore.
So listen to them and voice earlier what you need and what you want. And don't wait till later because it will bubble up later. And it's just, so I encourage you to go watch that series because this is what family dynamics will do is sometimes we just play into them to go along, or to make things nice, or it's not that important. And I I can remember even in my first marriage, which most of you know was a dreadful situation, I would say to myself, oh, I can't change him, but I can live with it. And eventually, I can't.
You can live with it until you can't live with it anymore. And that will come. That will absolutely come. I've seen it categorically across 100 of clients. So draw those healthy boundaries for yourself.
Don't put up with things that don't resonate with your values, Because they are keeping you stuck and making you small, and not allowing you to be the person, the leader, the mother, the sister, the spouse, the brother, the father, the whomever that you're called to be in your own core, in your own soul. So recognize those family dynamics and draw healthy boundaries around your time, around your personal values, and newly discovered interests and connections. And in this space, you get really excited about possibilities. And then when you have all of this mind and soul work done, You have step 1, the reorientation and purpose in place. Step 2, the identity and connection, healthier connection with those that are close to you.
You start to see, and we're moving into step 3 of the process, your ideal day. Because you can't move into a new phase of your life and just write off all the connections and things that you had going on before. You you want to have something that you're looking forward to doing around and with people you care about and are interested in getting to know more about. And so if you're not sure what that ideal day looks like, that's okay. No problem.
By the time you've worked on your values and your beliefs, and you've taken back power over those fiction stories, those assumptions, and you've let go of the image of yourself as this whatever leader or whatever it is that you're doing in your career, and you've drawn healthier boundaries around the people that are close to you, by this time, you're now ready to set up a no limits ideal day. You could pursue a new career. You could summarize your transferable skills. This is what I do with my clients and help them see where these could shine. You might start volunteering.
You may apply for a role in a different industry and nail it. You might start traveling, starting a creative process, singing, dancing, gardening, or something you haven't even thought of yet. That's the point. You can't see the vision when you're clouded with not knowing your values and these assumptions that are dogging you, and family members that are worried about you and that you're worried about. And this image of yourself in this role that's going around and around like a merry-go-round going faster and faster and faster.
The truth is, once all of this stuff is settled and in place, there's no limits to your ideal day. You could be doing anything, because this is very important. Ease has come your way. Ease is, I think, the most underrated feeling in America. Other countries have it.
If you go over to Italy, you can certainly see it. Ease. You know, I love being in Italy. They close down their shops at noon and may not come back till 4 because they go home and have lunch and nap. And, there's just an ease to the people that just is not present here.
Your purpose is evident in everything you do when you have ease. So I want to make sure that you have practical steps. Let me review them here. Let's go through this again. Step number 1, reorientation and purpose.
Identify those values. Unravel the tension of the situation that you're in. Name the feelings behind what you are experiencing. And this is a a technique that I teach my clients. You have to know what that feeling is.
Because if you can't name that feeling, it's going to chase you down like a nipping chihuahua just at your heels. Name the feeling, turn around and stare the lion in the face. What is it that is dogging me right now? What is that difficult emotion that I'm running away from? It might be that I won't be happy.
I'm afraid that if in this transition, when it's all said and done, I'm not going to be as happy as I was in my previous role, or have as many friends, or whatever it is. Make the income, or I won't be able to support my whatever it is. I'm afraid that I will be letting people down, letting myself down. Be very familiar with that tension. It's not only about finances.
It's about my feeling in my own skin. What am I going to feel like? What do I not want to feel here? Okay. Now let's go to the values.
What's important to me? I've always liked to do what? What did you do when you were younger that nobody could stop you? You could just do it till midnight. Those are values.
We connect with those, and get very curious about what values maybe you've denied over the time that you wanna reconnect with. Also, understand the beliefs and stories that you've associated with the tension that are fiction. The ones that aren't serving you, and take back the power that you have through your personal and mindful daily practices. Reading, inspirational work, prayer, meditation, yoga, working out. Get very connected to your core.
Step 2, identity and connection. Let go of the image that you have of yourself. That's, again, a situational image that could be part of your fiction story, part of your assumptions. Let go of that image. It's part of your past.
Doctor Henry Cloud calls it necessary endings. We have to have necessary endings. The garden dies at the end of the year, so that it can come back in the spring. Some things need to die back so that they can come back stronger. You prune a rose bush back so that when it grows in the spring, it's coming back with big beautiful puffy pom pom roses and not lanky tendrils of very small tiny roses that the leaves fall off of very early.
Let go of that image. Recognize how the family dynamics are playing into what you might be telling yourself in those assumptions and beliefs. Draw healthy boundaries around your time and newly discovered interests so that you can make room for step number 3, your ideal day. And if you don't know what that looks like, you won't get there till you've nailed step 1 and step 2. No problem that you don't know what your ideal day looks like because you haven't done the background work to see it.
By the time you're there, it will come to you. You will not be scratching and clawing for it. It will come to you. There are no limits to your ideal day. You could be pursuing a lot of different things.
You will have my favorite word, ease. Ease has come your way. Your purpose is evident in everything that you're doing. Now because I get a lot of questions on what it is like to coach with me in my epic program, I'm gonna give you a brief overview of what that is, because most of my work these days has been focused around this type of coaching because so many people are struggling. My epic program is where you position your unique genius to be relevant in your career, connected in your relationships, connected in your retirement, or learn to reorient your life beyond your corporate role to a satisfied heart centered heart designed life.
We go through the 3 step process, reorientation and purpose, step 1, identity and connection, step 2, and ideal day. But what does that look like? Okay. It's lifetime access to all the materials that I'm going to give to you so that you have a binder plan, a full executed plan by the time we're done coaching. It begins with an intake assessment and evaluation, so I can understand your personal situation.
This is personal 1 on 1 coaching. This is not a group program. There are 6 1 hour laser focused sessions where we're on the phone talking about what is going on as you're moving through these 3 step processes. I'm with you. I'm there holding your hand every step of the way.
There are 3 discovery workbooks, one for each step in the process. And this is where you're challenging yourself. You're exploring all of the things that I'm talking about, so that when we get on the call, we can talk about what you're discovering, where you might be stuck, and how I can help you move through this fluidly. There are 9 focused online trainings where I walk you step by step through all of this. There's a yearly life planning tool and 2 bonuses.
Here are the here are the bonuses. You get my flow on the go guide well-being planner mailed to your home. All of my clients in my, broader program, mindful leader satisfied life get this, but I'm now also giving it to my epic coaching program participants. And the biggest bonus of all is that you have unlimited email access to me, your personal coach, for 3 months, where I will answer any questions that you have along the way for 3 months within 24 hours via email. I am with you every step of the way.
So let me give you a little boost here. I am going to remind you what is so amazing about you. These are the reasons why employers should hire people 40 and older. Okay? All of these things are true about you, and remember them.
You handle different personalities well because you've dealt with them. You've navigated economic downturns, solve an array of problems, manage different projects at the same time. Not everybody in every generation does this at the same level that people with a lot of experience can. You teach yourself and learn new technologies. You probably taught yourself how to use a computer.
You used to strategic think based on an array of experiences. You work cross functionally on various teams, have experience across multiple disciplines, have worked in various cultures, adapted to change, have worked with various generations, get things done with very little oversight. You've probably not had lots of people telling you 3 times a day how wonderful you're doing and how marvelous you are and giving you all kinds of feedback, because you just not don't need it. You're just not used to it, and you know how to pick up the ball and run with it. You reflect and learn from past mistakes.
You rebound from failure, have in-depth industry experience, are confident to drive change, are informed in your decisions, have adaptive and extensive leadership skills. You listen more than you talk. You're effective in conversations. You can start conversations and carry them on for whatever is necessary, not just a sound bite. You can build consensus, have emotional intelligence, know how to build relationships, have witnessed the effect of long term planning results, know retention strategies, transfer knowledge, identify patterns because you've seen them before.
You mentor people because you like to help others. You have high emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills, have many transferable skills. You know, transferable skills fall into 3 categories, organization of information, communication skills, and operating and fixing of equipment. You can do all of those things. You're a decision maker with confidence.
You're resourceful. Have a strong network or self aware, build cohesive teams because you understand the uniqueness of different individuals. You understand different cultures. You've been around many cultures. You share insight.
You have analyzed trends and know how they affect things. You've seen through history the effect of all kinds of things. You collaborate. You negotiate. You have a skill stack that has breadth and depth.
You're excited to work. You're resilient. You have emotional maturity. You're wise. I list these things because sometimes our culture wants to remind you why they may not be important.
Because you're not a top technology person. I challenge that in anybody who says that because you probably taught yourself a lot of technology. That's extremely resilient. You didn't have somebody spoon feed it to you. So you are awesome.
If you're interested in epic coaching, go over to my website atmaryleegannon.com. And on the top, you will see epic coaching right in the navigation bar. Click on that. There's more details there. I'm excited to work with you, and let's go have some fun.
So go over to my website. I look forward to hearing more about your situation. And let's get you to where you want to be. So in closing, as you're looking at this phase of your life, is it a transition or is it evolution? Transition is one way of looking at it.
That's where we have to leave something behind and we're going into something new. Yes. But evolution is, are we going into something exciting? Could this be a place where I'm learning something new? I've coached lots of people that are transitioning because they have an illness, or they've had a loved one who is lost.
And they think, oh, is there anything that can be good that can come out of this? Yes. There is always something in the still space. There is always something to reflect on in the moment where you are going to find joy. You deserve that joy.
Know without a question, you are joy at your core. Bring yourself some of that joy today. Wishing you joy today. And know that one of my values is you. I value you, and I'm wishing you joy in all that you value today.
Hey, there. I want you to know if you're struggling in your career, or in a certain work situation, or a personal situation, you don't have to go on that way. I'm here to help you. Go on over to my website, maryleighgannon.com, and you will see all kinds of free tools and information there, a career plan, a checklist, a mini course, all types of things that will show you how to get back to you at your best. And there's information there on working with me.
Because I'm quite certain that you don't need one more thing to be more effective or happier. You don't need another course, or another book, or another degree, or another mentor, advocate, or sponsor. We need to get out of the way all of the smoke and mirrors that are shadowing you from who you are when you don't carry around all of that doubt that is hovering over you coming through and shining with the presence, with the value, with the persona that is noticed and respected, revered, and paid within your organization. So head on over to my website, pick up any of the free information that is there. If you wanna talk to me, click on a consultation with me, and I'm happy to get on the phone with you and see if there's something that I can do to help you.
Either way, I'm here for you because success is freedom, not more hours. Hey there, friend. This is just for fun. I created a playlist on Spotify, free playlist on Spotify called agility. If you want to hear songs that you know that rejuvenate, refresh, and reinvigorate you so that you can be able to adjust to the many changing situations in your personal life, relationships, and career, this is for you.
Get inspired. Remain calm, and notice what matters. Go to Spotify. Look for agility. You'll see it.
You'll see my picture there, and listen to the music that you used to roll down the windows to because it was so much fun. I know you're gonna enjoy it. Have fun with it. Agility on Spotify.
Speaker 0: I'm glad you are with me today, and I invite you to subscribe to this podcast and get any of my free publications at my website, maryleeganon.com, where you can also learn more about working with me.
