9 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Can’t Move On
After a difficult transition such as a job loss, broken relationship, forced relocation, lost promotion, loss of a loved one where you’ve been left feeling less than yourself, depleted and ineffective well-meaning people who care about you often tell you to just ‘move on.’ As if you don’t already want to move on you take this advice in stride and wish you could do exactly what they suggest. When you can’t, you feel even more flawed. At worst, you act out your frustration, stripping your executive presence.
Most people know when they need to move on. Nobody wants to wallow in prolonged anger, sadness, fear, frustration or despair such that these feelings get in the way of joy and rob you of living in the moment. But HOW do you do that? Instinctively you want to turn away from suffering. Unfortunately, that only makes it worse. We must get curious about it. We need to familiarize ourselves with its motivation and dissect it so that we can understand it. Likely, it is a self-defense mechanism of the ego that is only trying to keep us safe. When we understand what the anxiousness is trying to tell us we can let it go. Here are some things to ask yourself:
1. What triggers this feeling?
- What am I afraid of?
- What is the worst that could happen? And then what would happen?
- Where do I hold this feeling in my body?
- If this feeling were a color what would it be? A smell? A taste?
- What is the percentage of chance that my fear will happen?
- In this situation what is an assumption and what is a fact?
- What can I change versus what is out of my control?
- What is this trying to teach me?
When we lean into a negative feeling and not away, we can examine it the same way we would analyze a project setback at work. This scrutiny dissolves its ambiguous control over us. In this space we are as gentle with our protective ego as we would be with a child. Here we understand, own and take responsibility for how we feel as opposed to being victimized by it. Here we can release what doesn’t belong because we don’t want to own it anymore. That’s power.
If you want more executive presence tips here’s a link to Mary Lee’s FREE report: Success Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate World
If you are struggling with uncertainty and feel exhausted and ineffective watch my FREE Training on Three Ways to Move to the Next Level In Your Career Right Now to 1) identify the right role for you, 2) position your transferable skills and 3) create a career portfolio that sells you before you even get an interview. If you don't know where you will be at the end of the year, you are already there.
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to forward this email to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in life looking for a hand to hold. Sometimes we must be the hand that reaches out. www.MaryLeeGannon.com
Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE is an executive coach and 19-year corporate CEO who helps leaders have more effective careers, happier lives and better relationships. Request a free consultation call.
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