What the Oxford English Dictionary Doesn't Tell You About Moving Forward After Getting Fired
Recently a client of mine was terminated. He saw it coming. He wasn't happy in his role. He had been struggling with what action to take. Still, he is demoralized.
Below is the letter I wrote him.
I share it with you in an effort that it may bring comfort, direction and hope to you or a friend who may experience or have experienced the same thing.
If you are a manager you may have to layoff or terminate someone someday. Please do so with respect and grace.
If you are looking for resources to improve your leadership skills, this free Guidebook will be a great resource.
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Dear __________:
I am so sorry to hear what happened. That must feel so degrading and devastating after all you have accomplished in your life both professionally and personally. I would encourage you not to turn away from that pain but to “see” it, spend some time processing it and then stand up and say goodbye to it. You might even write down what you are feeling after you have witnessed it.
Fold the paper into an airplane and sail it off a high plateau or burn it in a dish.
Don’t push away the pain. Own it. Because when we own discomfort, as opposed to it owning us, we can let it go.
Now you are at a crossroads in life where you can make the choices that you were considering anyway – leaving the company, starting something new, feeling less stress and more happiness.
You weren’t happy in this position or with this company or with this boss anyway. And the world just ushered you to the edge and off the cliff of a situation that you didn’t like anyway.
You have wings. You’re not a dead weight. You will fly. This situation does not discount everything else in your life you have accomplished. Be a third party observer of what just happened. Be a third party observer of your thoughts. It’s ok to feel this way. Just don’t start believing the head trash that could start playing in your mind. “Why me? I can’t believe this happened at this point in my life. Haven’t I been through enough? I’m viewed as a failure. I’ll never find something right for me?” See the thoughts. Own them. And let them go. Don’t run from them or they’ll chase you down the rest of your life.
Don’t believe everything you think.
When we are unhappy in a position we are not performing at our best. Don’t doubt your capabilities. You can go somewhere else or start your own business and be awesome. Now is your “I’m the creator of my own future. I can figure this out.” time.
You might start the process of moving forward with a simple exercise.
1. Make a list of your signature strengths – areas where you are the maven. Think of the feedback you have been given over the years. Think of client and colleague testimonials. Ie: problem solver, good listener, team bu8iding. These are now your differentiators.
2. Next to each item in #1 list what industry that is valuable to. Ie: healthcare, consulting, manufacturing, accounting. The world of opportunity is far bigger than you may have imagined.
3. Send an email to key friends/colleagues with whom you have worked and ask them to write you a “To Whom it May Concern” letter of reference. Give them three or four key measurable accomplishments you achieved when you worked together to make it easy for them to write the letter. ie: decreased costs 10%, increased sales 12%. Give them a deadline of two weeks to get it back to you. Then sit and read these. Take them in. Accept the magnificence of your effectiveness. These letters will now accompany your applications and proposals for new opportunities. Don’t wait to be asked for them. Attach them to your cover letters.
Don’t lose confidence. Of course you are immensely capable – even if doesn’t feel that way. More importantly, don’t allow this life situation to diminish your self-esteem by sending you a life message that you are not good enough. That is nonsense. You are not what THIS company needs at THIS time. So it is time to find what YOU need at THIS time. And this includes nurturing yourself. What an adventure this blue sky opportunity could end up being. You won’t have to complain any more about them. Now it is all about YOU! How exciting!
You are in my thoughts and prayers. If I can help in any way, please reach out.
Warmest regards,
Mary Lee
As an executive coach, I am obsessed with helping leaders achieving great results. If by any chance you know someone who is facing a difficult situation, send them my way. I will be more than happy to contribute to their success.
PS- If you are looking for resources to improve your leadership skills, this free Guidebook will be a great resource.
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