What do you do when someone is jealous of you at work?
Jealousy is a wicked emotion that will leave you feeling powerless and empty until you can be vulnerable enough to admit the root cause of it and accept yourself with all your imperfections no matter what anyone else thinks, does or has. Most of the time we are dealing with our own jealousy of people who have what we think we deserve – a better job, more authority, better executive presence, a better life. Self-acceptance without expectations is king.
Sometimes, however, we are bound by the jealousy of others. You can feel their resentment by the way they respond to you – ignoring, dismissing, dirty looks, excluding.
Six Thing to Do When Someone is Jealous of You
- Allow him his feelings. It’s his journey not yours. It is not your job to change his feelings. It is your job to get along with him in a productive manner.
- Be true to yourself and a servant leader to all, including her. Treat her as you would anyone else. Don’t vary your behavior because she does. You will, of course, be more cautious but never difficult. Don’t lie down in the mud with people who like it there. Don’t lose your executive presence.
- Schedule a meeting with him and ask him directly if he has an issue with you or your work. Tell him that you would like to have a better working relationship with him and want to know what that would look like.
- Ask questions to understand what she fears. Being less than? Being unnoticed? Not advancing? “I noticed that you reacted negatively to my suggestion. Please tell me what is at the root of your objection. I want to understand.” Then listen for the inference. You can’t control her thought process. But, this intel on her fears will help you position what you can control – YOUR behavior. Aim at putting her fears to rest so that you can work productively with her. She may never grow to like you. She will likely learn to respect you.
- Counter his fears. Sincerely validate his positive qualities to ease his angst. “I notice how you.... Great work.” “You really stood out on that.” “That really makes a difference for the company.” “I’d like to include you on this because I want to meet your goals of (X).”
- If you know she is undermining you ask her how her behavior aligns with the company value or (Y)? Make the discussion between you and the values document – not between you and her. It isn’t personal. Then if she continues to be difficult ask her next time to have the character (refence the company value) to say what she says behind your back to your face first.
People will forget what you say and do but never how you make them feel.
Success is freedom. Not more hours.
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Money replenishes itself. Time does not. Click here to request a call with me and let's talk about your situation.
Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE is an International Coach Federation certified executive coach and 18-year corporate CEO who helps busy executive leaders swap the treadmill to nowhere for a new career, promotion, higher pay, confidence, calm and better connection with the people who matter while it still matters. View testimonials from her career transformation mavens and FREE career tools at www.MaryLeeGannon.com
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