Trying to Change Them
When people hire me as their executive coach many times they are struggling with a stagnant career, feel stereotyped or are having a difficult time finding clarity, balance and being effective. As we dig into the real root cause nine times out of ten the biggest issue is their confidence in feeling worthy to deliver. This doubt presents itself in our behavior, though we donât realize the subtleness of our eye contact, voice intonation, relationship savvy. Everyone has a blind spot. The problem is that others see it with what they perceive as pinpoint accuracy and then apply their own bias to it resulting in prejudice. And therefore, you don't get what you want.Â
If you struggle with any of these issues let's have a conversation to see if coaching is a good fit. You can request a free call with me at the link below. If you donât know where you'll be at the end of the year, you're already there.
Success is freedom. Not more hours. Request a free call now so we can see if coaching is a ...
Thinking About Death
Since my father died a year+ ago I have thought a lot about death - why are we here, my own mortality, suffering, how to maximize each day with meaning and connection. In the end Iâve realized that life is precious and the only thing we are guaranteed is this very moment. When I was early in my career I used to worry about what people thought. Now I try to pay more attention to my own actions and behaviors. That has built my confidence, and efficacy.
I guess for me the point of life is love. To love and to be loved. At work that means being a servant leader and to be revered. Not to achieve or get anything. When I stay in that perspective I feel what it is to live.
WIshing you a vibrant day today.
If you are ready to get off the treadmill to nowhere and have peace, confidence, executive presence, career advancement and high performance in the face of challenges, personal agendas, cynicism and bureaucracy request a free consultation call to see if coaching is a good fit to help you g...
When You Are Overwhelmed and Pointing Fingers
I work with clients a lot on how mindful daily practices impact your effectiveness and happiness. Recently, I bought some water color supplies on Amazon, watched a video on watercolor painting and experimented one evening. I had fun then tucked the supplies away for another day. Â
Last week, after the overwhelming and emotional experience of having to clean out my parentâs house to sell, I got out the box of supplies, threw inhibition to the wind and on the first page of my new watercolor journal painted an image from a peaceful photograph I had taken in the low country of South Carolina. It wonât be in any art contests but the experience of doing this with a shuffle of Michael Buble playing in the background calmed me.
In that space I could get curious about my emotions instead of running from them. I felt frustrated that my brother was not there to help me. I was sad going through the papers and memories of my father. I was worried about my mother who we had just moved into a senio...
What Beliefs Affect Your Career
As children we adopt a belief system based on the belief system of our parents. Depending on the parenting style, we are likely rewarded and reinforced for doing what these teachers think is good. We are criticized and penalized for what is bad. It is how we learn to stay safe. It is how we fit in.Â
Negative feedback can be helpful in an urgent situation such as a hot stove. Not so much when it comes to development, leaving us feeling as if we donât belong unless we are âgood.âÂ
As adults we live out this belief system and learned perspectives. When life sends us a difficult situation often we internalize this as having been âbadâ and deserving of this hardship. âMust be something wrong with me.âÂ
Beliefs translate to behaviors. If we grew up around anxiety weâll likely address discord with it. If we grew up around positivity weâll find the good. Often negative life messages are merely assumptions but we are conditioned to adopt them as true in an attempt to keep us safe.Â
Careers ...
The Best List You Will Ever Make to Be More Effective
We all have to-do lists, project objectives, metrics and planners to help keep us on track in our daily lives. Each year we set high expectations and even with these tools we find ourselves frustrated because we donât have the structure, systems, or accountability in place to achieve our goals. Couple that with doubt and indecision and you have a perfect recipe for anxiety. In the worst case this leads to action paralysis.
Letâs talk about the best case. Most people know what they need to do to be happy, effective and thrive just not how to do it or what to do with doubt and fear. We spend enough time telling ourselves how we are not equipped to succeed and armoring up against failure by being risk averse. We wallow proficiently on what it is we need to do but spend less time feeling what it would be like to actually live the dream and executing a plan to get there. Guarding against danger is how we have evolved as a species and not become extinct.
We are Jedis at searching the envir...
When Someone Makes You Look Bad at Work
If you work anywhere you likely have had a colleague try to make you look bad. Most of my clients have had to struggle with this. It is disempowering and injects a fear of losing your job which ultimately leads to a fear of losing people who you love. This is where executive presence is crucial. This is where you donât react at all. This is where you just pause, stare at them for a count of five and then ask, âAre you trying to make me look bad?â That will stop them dead.
Call them out with curiosity for exactly what they are doing. Donât characterize them, get angry or defensive. Simply ask them if what it looks like they are doing is in fact what they are doing. If they deflect back to you say, âOk, I wanted to get clarity on that because for a minute it felt like you were trying to make me look bad.â No one can argue with how you feel.
This scenario gives you a few moments to recenter yourself, for people on the periphery to validate in their minds what is truly happening, and for...
One Thing for Your Well-being, Career Efficacy & Executive Presence
Two years ago on a cold December day I felt stressed and overwhelmed so I made a commitment to do something about it, not unlike what many people do as the New Year approaches. I ordered a very expensive and really pretty planner. (Since when did planners start costing $85?) About a week into it I found myself writing mindful daily practices in the margins to hold myself accountable. Three weeks later I was writing my daily goals in the margins too. Four weeks later I was recreating the entire page, ignoring what was on it.
Five weeks into it I tried another planner. Two weeks into using that one I was now writing in the margins again â my gratitude thoughts, how I was feeling â daily practices that help release the negativity we often donât spend time processing and then canât let go of. (Dreadful feeling.) I already had a calendar for my to-do list and appointments. I needed a planner for my well-being and big goals.Â
Over two months I ordered six different planners trying to find ...
Do This One Thing to Minimize Conflict
Most conflict in the world comes from the need to be right - even the conflict you have with yourself. Your ego tells you that you arenât safe unless youâre right so you argue, defend, act out, withdraw or stand firm on something that most likely is out of your control.Â
When you find your opinion is a little too strong or thereâs a feeling that makes you uncomfortable thatâs the very time to pause and ask yourself, âWhat am I trying hard not to face? That Iâll be _________ if this doesnât change?â
Draw closer to the nasty feeling that chases you down. Name it. That disarms itâs power. âThis is what it feels like to feel ______.â Then give yourself a break. âMay I be gentle with myself in this moment. Iâve got this one.â
Youâre amazing. Donât ever forget that.
Here is a free tool to help you navigate your career in a complicated corporate setting:Â 31 Success Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate World.
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to send this link to someone...
Two Questions to Ask When the Issue is Generational
I hear so much in our culture about the differences in the generations. I even hear people identifying themselves by a generation. I think itâs wise to understand peopleâs differences but I think identifying someoneâs behavior with a certain generation is no different than identifying them with a race, religion, sexual orientation, or national origin.
When I hear, âMillennials are the way they are because their parents spoiled themâ or âBoomers canât keep up with technologyâ I wonder how comfortable people would feel saying, âHispanics are the way they are because their parents spoiled themâ or âCatholics canât keep up with technology.â Calling out by generation to make a point is elitist, discriminating and insulting.
When you find in a conflict that you are putting someone in a generational box before you characterize them ask yourself,Â
âWhat do they really need me to understand about them in this moment?âÂ
Also, when someone else pulls the generational card to make a point you ...
The Two Things That Kill Careers and Happiness
We continually strategize on the things we need to do to advance our careers, close the sale, be happier, have better relationships and get what we want. More often than not it is what we need to cease doing that gives us the most power.
- Donât discount your dreams.
I used to live life from a âbut at least itâs not ______â perspective. I thought this was being positive because I could always think of something worse. This was an OK way of remaining optimistic in the face of adversity until it became habit for all of life and halted my ability to envision the openness of wonder.Â
It wasnât until I was aware of this that I began to risk shifting to the vulnerable choice of exploring joy without expecting it to be short lived. To ushering in opportunity that I knew was meant for me without holding onto fear. To seeing all that was there with the curiosity of a child. This ability to stay in the moment without fast forwarding to an anticipated ending broke open the world for me. It p...