Does Your Team Put Work or Passion First?
I took this photo of a young man in Rio de Janeiro who spent the day canvasing the beach and garbage bins for empty soda cans to turn in for money. There are no entitlement programs in Brazil and while some choose to thieve on the beach (we saw them being arrested) this leader chose to contribute to his own worth and that of society.
Those of you who manage people understand the importance of engagement. Here are some sage words from Seth Godin on the tug of war between what comes first - passion or work.
'Work before passion
âOffer me something Iâm passionate about and Iâll show up with all of my energy, effort and care.â
Thatâs a great way to hide.
Because nothing is good enough to earn your passion before you do it. Perhaps, in concept, itâs worthy, but as soon as you closely examine the details and the pitfalls, itâs easy to decide itâs better to wait for a better offer.
What about considering the opposite?
âOffer me a chance to contribute, and Iâll work hard on it, with foc...
What Beliefs Affect Your Career
As children we adopt a belief system based on the belief system of our parents. Depending on the parenting style, we are likely rewarded and reinforced for doing what these teachers think is good. We are criticized and penalized for what is bad. It is how we learn to stay safe. It is how we fit in.Â
Negative feedback can be helpful in an urgent situation such as a hot stove. Not so much when it comes to development, leaving us feeling as if we donât belong unless we are âgood.âÂ
As adults we live out this belief system and learned perspectives. When life sends us a difficult situation often we internalize this as having been âbadâ and deserving of this hardship. âMust be something wrong with me.âÂ
Beliefs translate to behaviors. If we grew up around anxiety weâll likely address discord with it. If we grew up around positivity weâll find the good. Often negative life messages are merely assumptions but we are conditioned to adopt them as true in an attempt to keep us safe.Â
Careers ...
When They Threaten to Make You Look Bad
Last evening a client told me a story of how a customer was being condescending and threatened to report her to her boss in a truly snotty way over something that didnât make sense. My client felt under siege and desperately asked her not to do that. The customer is doing it anyway. I suggested three things:
- Never act desperate. Never. You have no power after that.Â
- Write down the script of the conversation between both parties word for word (donât just tell him), put it in front of your boss and ask one thing, âDo you have my back?â Trust must occur between manager and direct report or your culture is crap.Â
- The next time anyone threatens you, confuses you, accuses you or makes you feel undone ask one question, âSo that we are clear, what is it that you really want?â Most unhappy people donât know and will try to deflect. Just keep asking the same question. This is your home base.Â
My client said that if she had asked her customer this question the customer probably wo...
9 Questions to Ask Yourself Before a Major Decision
This list is a guide for when you need to test your aspirations that require a major adjustment to your life and career. Itâs a reality check for change. Grab a pen and get started.Â
- Am I happy? Itâs a simple yes or no question. If the answer is ânoâ then follow with this, âHow will I change my perspective and/or situation to create happiness?â Life is short. Donât have an accidental career or life.Â
- What does my gut say? Your head is too intellectual. Your heart is too emotional. Trust your instinct.Â
- Does this change align with my values and those of the people it will affect? Write down your values? Write down the values of important people in your life. You might have to sell this change. Know the benefits to all parties. And know who it will hurt. Is it worth it?Â
- Am I making this change to run away from something? Change for the sake of change is a mistake. Youâll find yourself in a similar situation feeling the same way in a few months wanting to start over ...
'Older Workers' Are Getting Phased Out
Older workers face a brave new world: 56% of employees over 50 have been pushed out of their longtime jobs, according to recent analysis from ProPublica. And of those workers who find employment at all, only 10% end up making as much as they did before. How can workers protect themselves? First off, know your rights. Also, everyone â no matter their age â ought to focus on keeping their skills fresh, LinkedInâs Dan Roth tells âCBS This Morning.â And in the meantime, Roth adds, line up a side hustle. âIf you have a high likelihood of being pushed out, then you want to make sure thereâs something you can fall back on.âÂ
Be prepared. Make sure you are working on things that are 1) measurable, 2) not easily transferable and 3) new and different and 4) hold a high learning curve. Up your savings or the amount withdrawn from your pay for retirement. Start the side hustle. Stay in shape. Work for a comapny that LIVES its values - not just has them hanging on the wall. Be able to speak to you...
Eight Questions to Set a New Start in Motion
New Yearâs Eve has come and gone. Itâs a funny night. You are left with a twinge of remorse and a twinge of hope. People migrate to parties and streets with champagne in their hands surrounded by 150 of their closest friends to watch a ball drop anywhere from 10 to 141 feet, while they try to forget that they didnât accomplish last yearâs resolutions and set lower bar resolutions for the coming year. Truly the happiest people of the evening are the cabbies who are out in scores to drive all the partiers home where they welcome the next day with a headache, little recall of their pared back resolve which sounds something like âI will not drink caffeine when the Penguins have a full healthy rosterâ and a pork shank that needs to be roasted.
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Most resolutions donât come to fruition because they are merely notions. âI will lose weightâ and âI will get a new jobâ are notions. âI will go to the gym for an hour three times a weekâ and âI will define my transferable skills and create a matr...
Undoing the Wicked Toll of Comparing Yourself to Others
Recently I listened to a client who is struggling in her marriage discuss how difficult it is to watch other happily married couples. I understand the feeling. I spent a lot of time in my first marriage wishing I had what others had and comparing myself to them as well as enabling bad behavior by making excuses for him. Then my third child was born with a developmental disability and I used to sit at playgrounds comparing her to other children while somewhat insensitively pushing her and her therapists like machines because I became so outcome focused.Â
What I realized is that when we compare our lives to others and grasp at what isnât ours we lose sight of all the good things we do have and this strips our fulfillment. This âless thanâ focus keeps us from letting go of what boundary maven Dr. Henry Cloud calls ânecessary endingsâ to allow for things to bloom in our lives. A healthy rose bush needs to be pruned for new buds to grow. If not, scraggly stems shoot out in all directions b...
When Someone Makes You Look Bad at Work
If you work anywhere you likely have had a colleague try to make you look bad. Most of my clients have had to struggle with this. It is disempowering and injects a fear of losing your job which ultimately leads to a fear of losing people who you love. This is where executive presence is crucial. This is where you donât react at all. This is where you just pause, stare at them for a count of five and then ask, âAre you trying to make me look bad?â That will stop them dead.
Call them out with curiosity for exactly what they are doing. Donât characterize them, get angry or defensive. Simply ask them if what it looks like they are doing is in fact what they are doing. If they deflect back to you say, âOk, I wanted to get clarity on that because for a minute it felt like you were trying to make me look bad.â No one can argue with how you feel.
This scenario gives you a few moments to recenter yourself, for people on the periphery to validate in their minds what is truly happening, and for...
One Thing for Your Well-being, Career Efficacy & Executive Presence
Two years ago on a cold December day I felt stressed and overwhelmed so I made a commitment to do something about it, not unlike what many people do as the New Year approaches. I ordered a very expensive and really pretty planner. (Since when did planners start costing $85?) About a week into it I found myself writing mindful daily practices in the margins to hold myself accountable. Three weeks later I was writing my daily goals in the margins too. Four weeks later I was recreating the entire page, ignoring what was on it.
Five weeks into it I tried another planner. Two weeks into using that one I was now writing in the margins again â my gratitude thoughts, how I was feeling â daily practices that help release the negativity we often donât spend time processing and then canât let go of. (Dreadful feeling.) I already had a calendar for my to-do list and appointments. I needed a planner for my well-being and big goals.Â
Over two months I ordered six different planners trying to find ...
Do This One Thing to Minimize Conflict
Most conflict in the world comes from the need to be right - even the conflict you have with yourself. Your ego tells you that you arenât safe unless youâre right so you argue, defend, act out, withdraw or stand firm on something that most likely is out of your control.Â
When you find your opinion is a little too strong or thereâs a feeling that makes you uncomfortable thatâs the very time to pause and ask yourself, âWhat am I trying hard not to face? That Iâll be _________ if this doesnât change?â
Draw closer to the nasty feeling that chases you down. Name it. That disarms itâs power. âThis is what it feels like to feel ______.â Then give yourself a break. âMay I be gentle with myself in this moment. Iâve got this one.â
Youâre amazing. Donât ever forget that.
Here is a free tool to help you navigate your career in a complicated corporate setting:Â 31 Success Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate World.
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to send this link to someone...