This Matters for You Executive Presence
I really like the line, âAre you operating as an emotion scientist or a judge.â Emotion scientists observe their and other peopleâs emotions from a third party perspective and get curious about whatâs behind them. Judges judge to get away from the discomfort of feeling uncomfortable.Â
Scientists process and name the emotion to release it. Judges turn and run from it with it nipping at their heels forever. Scientists have executive presence. Judges get stereotyped as difficult, emotional and ineffective.Â
Thereâs always a choice. One is harder and requires looking inward with humility and curiosity. One is easier and demands externalization with blame that results in underlying shame.Â
Practice being the scientist. It makes life and leadership far easier in the long run.
If you want to create your career by design here is a link to my FREE Career and Life Planning Tool. If you don't know where you'll be at the end of the year you are already there. Don't have an accidental career.
...When They Don't Talk About It
We personalize other peopleâs behavior in an effort to guard against their wrath. This isnât helpful. Your colleagueâs frustration, anger, condescension or dismissiveness might be vented at you but is not rooted in you. There is nothing wrong with you because someone treats you poorly. Good people know how to communicate without making you feel small.Â
Try asking them this: âIf we were to have a better working relationship what would that look like?â This forces them to articulate action not victimization.Â
Then donât speak or interrupt. Say only, âTell me more about that.âÂ
Let them feel heard. DONâT defend yourself - just repeat back what you heard. In there words will be things they are likely wrong about. But let them be validated.Â
Ask them if they want a better working relationship with you. This is important because if they say âyes,â which they likely will, now theyâve made a commitment. Then align on at least one thing.Â
Behind their bad behavior is an assumption theyâve ...
If I Were on This Poster
Short and sweet today because enough said in a few words.
I first saw this image twenty five years ago when my four children and I were homeless, on public assistance and without an automobile. I never forgot it. If I were on this poster today it would say, âMary Lee Gannon, corporate CEO of a $24 million organization and executive coach, was told by her ex-husband, âYouâll never make it on your own.â
If you want more executive presence tips hereâs a link to my FREE report:Â 31 Success Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate WorldÂ
Your coach,
Mary LeeÂ
P.S. Feel free to forward this email to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in life looking for a hand to hold. Sometimes we must be the hand that reaches out.
Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE is an executive coach and 19-year corporate CEO who helps leaders have more effective careers, happier lives and better relationships. Request a free consultation call.
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The Seven Deadly Sins of Management
Years ago I read a book called the Seven Deadly Sins and agreed that the first among them was the most deadly - Pride. The greater our ego, the greater our pride, the lesser our humility and the greater propensity we have for failure. The people you have the most difficulty with have far greater difficulty with their own egos, need to be heard, desire to be recognized and rush for validation. Don't let that person be you.Â
The Seven Deadly Sins of ManagementÂ
- Pride that you are more capable than your employees. How gratifying is it to be dubbed âKing Know-It-Allâ when everybody hates your guts? When you make all the decisions and give continual directives it cuts off their ingenuity, independence and desire to take risk. Â
- Sloth in your dedication to develop your team. You develop projects but how often do you develop talent? When is the last time you asked an employee, âWhere do you see yourself a year from now? What project would you like to develop?âÂ
- Gluttony in your ...
When You Personalize Your Employees' Behavior
When I was a new manager I used to personalize why members of my team werenât engaged. I made it about me. I was the reason they were under-performing. Â
I did everything in my power to re-engage them and when it didnât work I then started to resent them for being disengaged. What I didnât do was hold them firmly accountable to clear goals for fear of push-back and confrontation. I didnât do my job as a manager and they became entitled. Â
When I set clear goals and began meeting with them regularly on their performance on those goals we began a dialogue around the challenges they were having and could role play alternative scenarios. The feedback depersonalized for me when I made it about their performance on the goals and not their attitude versus my expectations. Very objective. Them against the goal, policy, company value - not me.Â
Wishing you the power of regular feedback on clearly defined goals today.
Listen to a recent interview by Leadership Podcaster Frank Aziz. In this p...
Don't Waste Time on Resolutions - Do This Instead
My husband and I were sitting alone on the beach of our home on Hilton Head Island last week on Christmas eve. COVID had altered the travel plans of our six children and their families. We had decided if we were going to be alone for Christmas we'd be in a place we love. We sat there talking about how COVID has changed so much for everyone this year. I deliberately got up from my chair and snapped this photo as my commitment to moving forward with a fresh perspective. Hope is on the horizon. Though hope is not a strategy, it reminds me that it is time to plan.
Would you take a trip without a map? Of course not. So why do we think we can create a New Yearâs resolution and get there just because we want to? The reason most resolutions fail is because they are simply notions centered on âgettingâ something and not grounded in your values - the root of what drives you. They arenât authentic and aligned with your core.            Â
11 Reso-YOU-tions for Results in 2021Â
- Set...
Are You Doing This on Thanksgiving - From My Family to You
If you've talked with a family member this week you know there is disappointment in the air. Honor that feeling. It makes us sad not to come together to celebrate the very thing we value most in the world â our relationships. It hurts. We feel cheated, angry, afraid, as if we donât want to get our hopes up for anything right now.Â
You miss the traditions, the food, the table decorating, the hours in the kitchen fussing over the stuffing, the family laughter, watching parades and football together and the hugs.Â
Ok. There. Let all that out. We can release that which we own. Name and own the disappointment.Â
Now letâs have some fun. What wonât you miss this year? The money you saved not doing mini makeovers in the house. Buying food that will get wasted â that you really donât need or use. How your brother and sister-in-law don't help clean up. The uncomfortable moment when Grammie asks Matt when he is finally going to get married, or Stewart and Alicia when theyâll finally have a chi...
Lion Tracks
Recently in South Africa on safari a guide, my husband and I tracked these lion tracks to a stream at Mala Mala Game Reserve where we found a pride of 11 lion.
Arenât we all searching for a way to quench our thirst in one way or another? We exhaust ourselves on the treadmill to nowhere seeking to have and be âmoreâ when we need only search inside ourselves.
Self-acceptance is power. May you be gentle with yourself today. You have everything you need already inside you. Perfection is not the goal. Admit vulnerability. Have humility. Be curious. The answers are right in front of you and if you can get off the treadmill and be still long enough for the dust to settle you will see, hear, feel, touch and taste them. Youâve got this.
If you want to create your career by design here is a link to my FREE Career and Life Planning Tool. If you don't know where you'll be at the end of 2020 you are already there. Don't have an accidental career.
If you are struggling with uncertainty and feel ...
It Is Not Your Job to Engage Them
Corporations spend a lot of energy on employee engagement as if there is some magic formula of training, open door policies, and standardized performance evaluations such that if the leader does all of them in perfect harmony, theyâll have a symphony of engagement. Â
Itâs not the leaderâs job to engage workers. Itâs the workersâ job to come to work ready to do their best. The problem is employees may not know how to be their best or what âbestâ looks like. Itâs the leaderâs job to issue the call to excellence and help employees be great.  Â
Free lunch, a pool table in the break room and flex hours are not the answer to poor engagement. Setting clear goals is a start but can backfire and lead to entitlement without accountability.Â
Often bureaucracy, cynicism, personal agendas and politics start to poison company cultures, especially when employees start attaching interpretive stories to factual situations. People begin to personalize feedback, think that the challenges are far more ...
Gaslighting and Your Executive Presence
You know the feeling. Youâre in what you think is an honest discussion with someone and suddenly they blindside you with a comment that totally undermines your perspective. At first you are stunned like a deer in the headlights. You think, âHow could she say that? It isnât at all true.â Then you get angry at the betrayal and at this point you have lost your executive presence. You shut down or start defending yourself, never getting anywhere on the real issue.
You know you are being gaslighted when you hear comments such as:
- I didnât do that.
- Youâre overreacting.
- Youâre imagining that.
- Youâre too sensitive.
- I never said that.
- Why are you __________? (Something that isnât true.)
- Stop being a victim.
- Youâve got the problem not me.
- You need to let it go.
Gaslighting happens at work and in life. Itâs a Machiavellian tactic whereby someone minimizes you by denying that your perception of a situation is true. Itâs meant to undercut you - stifle you - wear you down - shut you u...