The opposite of uncertainty isnât certainty, itâs self trust.
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đ¨ We lose certainty in the face of doubt. At our worst we misconstrue doubt as danger and anxiety robs us of peace, our genius and executive presence. Then we lose the trust of our colleagues and the people closest to us. Mostly, we lose belief in ourselves.
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đ In this space everything seems to crumble.
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đł Youâll never win the battle to control your future.
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đ Never. Donât tire yourself on this treadmill to nowhere.
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đĄTell yourself, âI donât know what will happen. I donât know what the future holds.
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đĄÂ âWhat I do know is that I trust Iâll be able to handle whatever happens. I trust Iâll have my best interests at heart.
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đ§đŞâI trust I can be gentle with myself and strong against thoughts that donât serve me. I trust being my best is enough.
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đâI trust myself, so I know Iâll be ok.â
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If this resonates with you and you feel unnoticed and undervalued at work, here is a link to my Be Seen - Be Heard - B...
   Corporations calculate success by metrics â return on investment, productivity, key performance indicators, cost savings, balance sheet, cash flow, retention, number of goods sold, quality metrics, speed to market, profit margin. Goals are created in the aggregate of these measurements. Performance at work is tied to goals. Goals are always measurable. If it isnât measurable, it is only a notion, not a goal. Â
    When a corporation doesnât place the same value on its people as it does on its metrics often employees get sucked into believing that their personal worth is tied to the goal. And if they fail to meet the goal, they are a personal failure. There could be many circumstances that affect the realization of goals â resources, team culture, time, talent, a crisis, market share, competition. Yet individuals often lay expectations on top of goals, leading to despair. I am expected to hit the goal, or I wonât fit in here. If I donât meet the goal I wonât advance. I might get te...
Many truly great leaders have a trigger that once tripped eradicates composure, reduces executive presence, and strips effectiveness as a behavior they donât want to exhibit takes over.Â
That behavior could be getting emotional, lashing out defensively, crusading offensively, withdrawing in defeat and others. At this point you are off your game and people not in this fight-flight-freeze trap can manipulate you if their motivation serves them to do so.Â
Everyone has a trigger. Itâs where we feel most vulnerable - most hurt, sad, angry, undervalued, small, at risk, ineffective. In a nut shell itâs where we feel most alone. Itâs like being immediately thrust to the edge of a cliff with a herd of rhinoceroses charging you and nobody there to throw you a rope.Â
Great leaders lean in not out from this feeling. They sense it coming, get curious about what the vulnerability is trying to teach them, nurture it like a puppy, throw themselves a rope because theyâve got this, and release the as...
We all have to-do lists, project objectives, metrics and planners to help keep us on track in our daily lives. Each year we set high expectations and even with these tools we find ourselves frustrated because we donât have the structure, systems, or accountability in place to achieve our goals. Couple that with doubt and indecision and you have a perfect recipe for anxiety. In the worst case this leads to action paralysis.
Letâs talk about the best case. Most people know what they need to do to be happy, effective and thrive just not how to do it or what to do with doubt and fear. We spend enough time telling ourselves how we are not equipped to succeed and armoring up against failure by being risk averse. We wallow proficiently on what it is we need to do but spend less time feeling what it would be like to actually live the dream and executing a plan to get there. Guarding against danger is how we have evolved as a species and not become extinct.
We are Jedis at searching the envir...
People ask me all the time for my best tip for career advancement. It isn't who you know or what company you work for. It isn't what title you have or what social group you belong to. It is unequivocally the ability to self-regulate your emotions in real time so that you exude the executive presence that draws a loyal following. Period. There are plenty of smart people who don't advance and it isnât because they aren't capable.
At any moment you may be called on to have confidence to risk, to have candor to create connections or calmness to cool fury. They don't teach this in business school because it's personal to you.
This graphic illustrates one process my clients work on to build executive presence. Become good at untangling life messages that are really only assumptions. You assume you will be judged when in all truth people want you to succeed. You assume you'll be overwhelmed when forging ahead has served you before. You assume your idea isn't important yet when someone else ...
This week a very capable client was struggling with some of the work I am having her do around âdoubtâ and âletting go.â She said she âcame up blankâ on what she was angry about, what she can terminate right now, where she feels shame and what she feared. Â
Questioning our thoughts and feelings often uncovers that they are assumptions and not true at all. These questions help you get deeply into the thoughts and feelings that hold you back - keep you guarded, resentful or powerless. Nobody wants to face them. But, if we donât they chase us down the rest of our lives. Think of the last time you lashed out, withdrew, or quit something. What FEELING was at the heart of the behavior? I want you to be able to re-examine that feeling as to whether it is an assumption or really true. (This photo shows the process of finding the pause moment to accomplish this strategy.
She then shared that she does feel shame around weight and being judged as mean.
This is a very sound reason for shame. Mo...
Itâs human nature to look in the mirror and compare ourselves to the images our culture throws at us every day. Being young, successful, body beautiful and wealthy are what our society thrives on, reminding us of what we should aspire to be. And so, we invest in expensive products, clothes, gym memberships, degrees, makeup, youth enhancements and the like grasping to experience what these images project - happiness. Yet the U.S. remains the most depressed and overmedicated nation in the world.
When we look outside ourselves for acceptance and donât find it we reach for control as a lever of hope. A plethora of industries are happy to take your money to feed your need to belong among âthe pretty peopleâ yet after you buy the Prada handbag, MBA, Rolex watch and Mercedes as a solution to the void you feel and the initial thrill subsides you are still left with the same feeling of not being enough. More purchases of the same only leave the hole emptier. So, then we start trying to control...
New SMART Leaders ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS. You know that risk youâre avoiding because it makes you uncomfortable and youâre really unsure about what will happen if you take it? Maybe you should pay attention to that.Â
Get curious about it. Is now the right time? What would change if you waited another month? Is it really an either or choice? What other options might there be? Who might be good counsel on this? How can you be gentle with yourself as you vet the decision?Â
Trust your gut and ask questions. Your pinhole perspective will start to open. Youâre head is too analytical and you heart is too emotional. Trust instinct and challenge assumptions. Itâs how weâve stayed alive as a species for centuries. It will serve you in doubt.Â
Check out my latest column for The Ladders - $100,000+ job site here.
Your coach,
P.S. Feel free to send this link to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in life.
Mary Lee Gannon, ...
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