Important Discussions with Your Boss â Everything is a Negotiation
Often, I see clients put off important discussions with their bosses because they arenât really sure how to structure them and fear they may come off as expecting too much and eventually feel rejected. This is unwise. A little preparation can earn you respect and what you want.Â
How to prepare for the meeting:Â
- Ask for a specific meeting date/time. This will underscore its importance. Donât have the discussion after another meeting or as a sidebar conversation. Label the meeting something that is important to the organization â not yourself: ABC Company Priorities and (Your Department).
- Whatâs the goal? This meeting is not a discussion. You are not mind mapping here. It is a negotiation. Know what you want to occur by the end of the meeting: i.e., I will now spend my time working on important projects, not things that are randomly assigned to me. I have an idea on how to minimize those things and who is more appropriate to do them.
- Know your home base. Donât let them pull you int ...
The Success Story
I have a client in Silicon Valley who Iâm very proud of today. She is smart, well educated, successful and came to me to grow her self-worth to show up differently at work and in life. She was struggling in relationships with people who were close to her. I felt the pain of her suffering. I felt her despair at how some people treated her. It made me sad.Â
We worked on healthy boundaries. We worked on self-awareness. We worked on defining her values and her vision of a life in alignment with them. We worked on mindful daily practices that help her self-regulate fear. We worked on being with discomfort long enough to see that it wouldnât overtake her because itâs only her imagination. We worked on self-acceptance with all her imperfections. We worked more on boundaries.Â
We did not work on her being better than anything or anyone. We didnât work on what she didnât deserve. We didnât work on why change would be better.Â
We worked on her re-discovering her. In that space she made decisi...
People Fear Three Things
People fear three main things in life: pain, death and abandonment. The worst behavior I see is usually around abandonment. Knowledge is power. This intel means that if we can show people how we value them and that they belong they will feel lighter and more worthy. And theyâll behave like people who feel valued. Â Â
Think how this applies to talking with employees, family members, customers, friends and just about everyone. Compassion is king in effectiveness - authentic compassion not put-on solicitousness.Â
If you want more executive presence tips here's a link to the FREE eBook - 31 Executive Presence Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate World
If you are struggling with uncertainty and feel exhausted and ineffective watch my FREE Training on Three Ways to Move to the Next Level In Your Career Right Now to 1) identify the right role for you, 2) position your transferable skills and 3) create a career portfolio that sells you before you even get an interview. If you d...
You Owe Me for the Years Not the Minutes
Some days I sit in my office and think how easy my job is until I see someone else make a decision or take action that I know is ill advised and will have negative results. Then I remember the countless 12-hour days and weekends I put in to have the breadth of perspective Iâve learned. I remember the negative results I experienced when I didnât know better. And I think about the really stressful days in my work that try my patience and bring me sleepless nights.Â
Your time is valuable. This is why I donât hire lawyers, accountants or consultants who are not mavens at what they do because they make you pay for their learning curve.Â
Be an expert. Work for a company that values your expertise.
If you want more executive presence and career planning tips hereâs a link to my FREE Career and Life Planning Tool. If you don't know where you'll be at the end of the year you are already there.Â
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to forward this email to someone who could benefit from it....
Your Emotions at Work
We were taught for a long time that showing emotion was weak. âJust suck it up, Marineâ was the mantra. Today we finally realize that denying emotion denies the feeling behind the emotion. And when we do that it eventually bubbles up later in an outburst, passive aggressive behavior, withdrawal, lack of compassion, poor communications, emotional immaturity and even post- traumatic stress.Â
Though we donât want to be an emotional leader, exhibiting extreme emotions that are inappropriate at work, cause negative attention to ourselves and halt progress. That strips your executive presence. But we are human, and humanity is honest. Being honest with your team, about what you struggle with builds trust. "Honestly, I struggle with this and value your insight."Â
Sometimes emotion takes over our good judgment. Then we need to decipher the internal roadblock before it derails us. It takes far more courage to admit the feeling than to stuff it down.Â
Unravel the feeling from the fear. Take a...
Two Flawed Assumptions that Hold You Back
At work we often measure our self-esteem by what our boss or colleagues think of us. This is based on two flawed assumptions.Â
1.) You think you know what they think but you donât. How they perceive you is through their own lens not yours. That lens may hold bias. You will never know how they truly feel. Even if you ask them they will filter their response through their interpretation of their feelings. Your job is not to change their mind. Your job is to be effective.
 2.) You think your value is measured by their behavior toward you. Of course we all want to be liked and appreciated. Good leaders know how to reinforce their teams with positive feedback and coaching moments. But your value is measured by your effectiveness not your efforts so focus on whether or not you are effective and allow that to be your gauge.Â
The operative phrase here is âbe effective.â If you focus on that your self worth will grow. Youâll build trust and favor by playing toward your signature strengths - ...
This Matters for You Executive Presence
I really like the line, âAre you operating as an emotion scientist or a judge.â Emotion scientists observe their and other peopleâs emotions from a third party perspective and get curious about whatâs behind them. Judges judge to get away from the discomfort of feeling uncomfortable.Â
Scientists process and name the emotion to release it. Judges turn and run from it with it nipping at their heels forever. Scientists have executive presence. Judges get stereotyped as difficult, emotional and ineffective.Â
Thereâs always a choice. One is harder and requires looking inward with humility and curiosity. One is easier and demands externalization with blame that results in underlying shame.Â
Practice being the scientist. It makes life and leadership far easier in the long run.
If you want to create your career by design here is a link to my FREE Career and Life Planning Tool. If you don't know where you'll be at the end of the year you are already there. Don't have an accidental career.
...If I Were on This Poster
Short and sweet today because enough said in a few words.
I first saw this image twenty five years ago when my four children and I were homeless, on public assistance and without an automobile. I never forgot it. If I were on this poster today it would say, âMary Lee Gannon, corporate CEO of a $24 million organization and executive coach, was told by her ex-husband, âYouâll never make it on your own.â
If you want more executive presence tips hereâs a link to my FREE report:Â 31 Success Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate WorldÂ
Your coach,
Mary LeeÂ
P.S. Feel free to forward this email to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in life looking for a hand to hold. Sometimes we must be the hand that reaches out.
Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE is an executive coach and 19-year corporate CEO who helps leaders have more effective careers, happier lives and better relationships. Request a free consultation call.
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The Seven Deadly Sins of Management
Years ago I read a book called the Seven Deadly Sins and agreed that the first among them was the most deadly - Pride. The greater our ego, the greater our pride, the lesser our humility and the greater propensity we have for failure. The people you have the most difficulty with have far greater difficulty with their own egos, need to be heard, desire to be recognized and rush for validation. Don't let that person be you.Â
The Seven Deadly Sins of ManagementÂ
- Pride that you are more capable than your employees. How gratifying is it to be dubbed âKing Know-It-Allâ when everybody hates your guts? When you make all the decisions and give continual directives it cuts off their ingenuity, independence and desire to take risk. Â
- Sloth in your dedication to develop your team. You develop projects but how often do you develop talent? When is the last time you asked an employee, âWhere do you see yourself a year from now? What project would you like to develop?âÂ
- Gluttony in your ...
Three Steps When You're Afraid
This week I had to give a presentation at work not unlike others Iâve given throughout my career, yet I was nervous. Every time I thought about it my heart started to race and I got tense in my neck and shoulders. Public speaking is one of the leading causes for workplace fear. But I speak often so my nervousness didnât make sense. As an executive coach I know not to turn away from fear but to bring it closer like you would a hurting child. That self-nurturing was hard in this instance. But I kept getting curious about what I was really afraid of.Â
When I could stand open and vulnerable without judging myself, I realized I had a lot of personal distractions this week that made me feel anxious and irritable. Just the day before I had argued with an online bank customer service representative who refused to cancel a credit card they had sent to my home for my deceased father. I kept trying to convince him that this was the bankâs problem and should not be my problem. Typically, I would ...