Some people get up every morning and love their workout. Iāve been working out five mornings a week for years and Iāve hated it every single day.Ā
Hate is a strong word. But Iām pretty sure that sums it up. And the truth is I never expect that to change. So itās ok. I just do it because I feel, look, and move better with this discipline. I would regret not feeling this freedom otherwise.Ā
Iām not a structured person by nature. I never read directions, like standing in line, or understand hierarchy.Ā
But I do understand the value of discipline even though it doesnāt come naturally to me.Ā
Why?Ā
Because Iām motivated by avoiding the pain of regret. I donāt live in regret. Itās defeating.Ā
Itās why I track mindful daily practices every day (yoga, meditation, slowly drinking a glass of water) to keep me in the present moment so I can be self-aware enough to control my runaway thoughts and emotions.Ā
Because those thoughts tell me I donāt have time for woo-woo stuff like that. Yet I ...
Sadly, we internalize and personalize someoneās negativity toward us because we donāt see their suffering at the root of their behavior. We think itās us. Many of my clients are dealing with command and control bosses and colleagues who posture with personal agendas in cultures where bureaucracy and cynicism are the norm.Ā Ā
Know this - happy people do not hurt one another. If someone is disrespectful in how they deliver feedback they are unhappy and trying desperately to push that unhappiness on you. The problem for them is this fear based leadership never brings them happiness yet they keep executing the same way at your expense. They canāt turn inward and address their unrest. They turn away from pain with anger and push it outward either overtly or with passive aggression. Very sad existence for them. Donāt make their problem yours.Ā
It is your choice whether or not to hear feedback as an opportunity and take positive action or wear the disrespect like you own it, entirely discoun...
Yes, we want to help our loved ones and friends who are suffering. But, how do we help someone āget through it?' How do we help them move on and resume their lives as they were before crisis or tragedy. How do we help them usher in something new that they may never have experienced before - something that might be interesting and/or rewarding.
For a long time we thought we were showing strength to suck it up and just move on. The military bred this concept into the armed forces until they realized it wasnāt helpful and actually was quite damaging. When we deny our feelings and try to push past them they get further buried only to resurface with triggers - triggers that keep coming more frequently. Triggers, such as a painful memory, sound or situation, place us right back in thick of the emotion that we never reconciled.
People who are hurting donāt need you to fix them. They just want to know you care and are there. Just be with them. Often their discomfort makes us uncomfortable so...
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