The First Question to Ask
Yesterday I asked an executive client who is seeking a new position, "What is the biggest thing you did in your current organization in the last year?" He wasn't sure. The question brought him anxiety. After a coaching session he was fully versed in a high-performance answer but until that question he had not defined his value for himself. He had been questioning his value when he is acutely strategic and effective. This lack of self-esteem had been holding him back from applying for jobs in his transferable skill areas and from pitching himself from a position of worth as opposed to passively.
Don't start your job search by researching online for openings. Start by answering this question. Your response should be quantifiable. That means it should reflect an increase or decrease in something, including an amount and percentage.
Too often people cannot equate their value to a metric. If you can't do this you cannot position your value proposition. Surely whatever you are workin
...We're all busy. That's why this works.
The past year and a half has held a lot of transitions in my life. My father passed away. I moved my mother into a nursing home. I had to sell my childhood home, become power of attorney for my mom which then made me executor for her brotherâs estate when he passed away. I am now trying to sell his home and handle both of their financial affairs in addition to my job as a CEO, executive coaching practice, and a family with six children. Â
I felt as if I was living a peaceful life and one thing after another compounded more responsibility on me than I never expected. Yet during all of this is when I started to knit and paint with watercolors. Yesterday my husband said that Iâm âcalmerâ than heâs ever known me to be. I attribute that to my mindful daily practices and simple goal setting that give me confidence, connection and calm. Â
Iâm busy just like everyone else. I donât have time for long journaling. Neither do my clients. I found myself buying weekly planners and writing mindful ...
Don't Quit YourBad Job Yet
Let me qualify this graphic. As an executive coach and a CEO who hires people I sometimes see professionals quit their jobs before they have another one. Generally, they do this because they are exhausted, see no way out of their pain and simply cannot spend one more minute in an intolerable situation. They feel they need to do this to preserve their sanity. The problem is that a few months down the road they often find themselves feeling worse â unemployed, without income, feeling low self-esteem, ineffective and desperate.Â
I want to go on record in saying that quitting your job before you have another one is a mistake. I realize that some people have done this, and it has worked out fine. But in my experience as a CEO for 20 years and an executive coach for 12 that is the exception. Hiring managers can be leery of people who are not working. It is one red flag that someone who is working does not have. Keep that red flag down. It puts you in a better position to negotiate a better ...
Telling People How to Improve is Pointless
Iâve always felt that telling people how to improve was pointless. Thatâs like telling them from the start that theyâre not good enough and this makes them shut right down. Applauding and guiding them for excellence while personalizing only to yourself and not them engages people.Â
I use the FBI method. âI FELT you really demonstrated great anticipation skills when you (BEHAVIOR) pulled that comparative research on the results of our last campaign. The IMPACT of this is changing our direction to be more focused on one-on-one relationship building and not costly mass acquisition initiatives.â This is far better than, âGreat jobâ or âWe didnât do a good job on that.â
Legendary Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry turned around his struggling team not by showing highlight films of mistakes but by combing through game footage to create a highlight reel for each player of them doing something easily, naturally and effectively.Â
The photo above is from a great article on the feedback falacy ...
Anger is a Mask for This
Anger is always a mask for a sad feeling we are turning away from because it makes us uncomfortable and feel unworthy. Invite the discomfort and sadness you avoid in closer - so close that you can feel it, smell it, taste it, touch it. Describe it in detail. This disarms itâs power and the anxiety of avoidance melts to acceptance.
Here you can stop running and finally relax. You become a third party observer to situations that used to threaten you without inserting your heart and emotions into the center. Your relationships and sense of fulfillment shift upward. Your executive presence soars when you arenât afraid of what might happen. You accept and value yourself as is without needing to be perfect. Thatâs a good life.
If you are ready to get off the treadmill to nowhere and have peace, confidence, executive presence, career advancement and high performance in the face of challenges, personal agendas, cynicism and bureaucracy request a free consultation call to see if coaching is a...
6 Tips When You are Taken for Granted
Often, we go about our lives thinking our relationships at work and in life are ok while under the surface a subtle ember of discord is burning. Then one day it bursts into full blaze and we do or say something that rips at our presence. At work this is particularly difficult when it strips your executive presence. One of the subtle feelings that shreds our peace is the feeling that we have been taken for granted.Â
- Name what youâre feeling.
You might think you hate your boss or that a colleague is self-absorbed but that is focusing on their behavior and not your feelings. What does their behavior make you feel? Small? Disregarded? Disrespected? Undervalued? Naming the feeling disarms its power.Â
- Draw healthy boundaries.
You know you want to draw healthier boundaries when you feel taken advantage of, taken for granted, responsible for someone elseâs happiness or blatantly disrespected. To understand the power of health boundaries first imagine that you are on a big farm. You...
Ask This Question at Your Next Staff Meeting
At work sometimes we think the solution is to add more work onto what already needs to be done when often the most productive choice is to reengineer the work to eliminate useless tasks and combine others into streamlined processes. This requires a big step back to see the entire picture and not just the finite goal at hand - cause and effect.Â
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Sometimes we need to start over. That isnât failure. Itâs setting ego aside for innovation.Â
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In my two-decade career as a hospital executive I have watched new regulations bury front line workers as management teams tack on new regulations as one more thing to be done at the bedside by the nurse or professional. When my father was in a hospital across town it made me sad to see the nurses lined up at computers in the nursesâ station when I knew they would rather have been at the bedside.
Iâve also seen wise leaders reinvent processes so there arenât more forms to fill out but one form that captures everything in a uniform way. A good qu...
Six Acts that Build Executive Presence in a Difficult Moment
If you have ever been in an escalating conversation that is confrontational you know how hard it is to maintain composure when your heart starts racing and every nerve ending in your body is screaming âDanger!â With practice you can be the master of your own behavior in these high stakes moments, pacify yourself and be the respected colleague people notice has grace under fire.Â
When youâre first aware that a situation is getting combative that is the sign to switch tracks before youâre on the runaway train of freeze-fight-or-flight. This is when your reaction becomes physiological - Â your voice quivers, your palms get sweaty, and your heartrate elevates. Most people fear that this lack of physical control will show and undermine their effectiveness. Itâs important to regain control of your bodyâs reaction by accepting what is going on with you and creating space for it to calm down. Turning away from the discomfort is not the answer.Â
Six tips to help build your executive presence i...
Does Your Team Put Work or Passion First?
I took this photo of a young man in Rio de Janeiro who spent the day canvasing the beach and garbage bins for empty soda cans to turn in for money. There are no entitlement programs in Brazil and while some choose to thieve on the beach (we saw them being arrested) this leader chose to contribute to his own worth and that of society.
Those of you who manage people understand the importance of engagement. Here are some sage words from Seth Godin on the tug of war between what comes first - passion or work.
'Work before passion
âOffer me something Iâm passionate about and Iâll show up with all of my energy, effort and care.â
Thatâs a great way to hide.
Because nothing is good enough to earn your passion before you do it. Perhaps, in concept, itâs worthy, but as soon as you closely examine the details and the pitfalls, itâs easy to decide itâs better to wait for a better offer.
What about considering the opposite?
âOffer me a chance to contribute, and Iâll work hard on it, with foc...
When You Are Overwhelmed and Pointing Fingers
I work with clients a lot on how mindful daily practices impact your effectiveness and happiness. Recently, I bought some water color supplies on Amazon, watched a video on watercolor painting and experimented one evening. I had fun then tucked the supplies away for another day. Â
Last week, after the overwhelming and emotional experience of having to clean out my parentâs house to sell, I got out the box of supplies, threw inhibition to the wind and on the first page of my new watercolor journal painted an image from a peaceful photograph I had taken in the low country of South Carolina. It wonât be in any art contests but the experience of doing this with a shuffle of Michael Buble playing in the background calmed me.
In that space I could get curious about my emotions instead of running from them. I felt frustrated that my brother was not there to help me. I was sad going through the papers and memories of my father. I was worried about my mother who we had just moved into a senio...