It's Their Fault
Reflecting on what Iâve learned from the clients I have the privilege to work with. Human behavior has always fascinated me. Iâve studied it for years. Itâs amazing how we can repeat patterns over and over and donât see the regularity of them as we continue to victimize ourselves by externalizing the origin of our unrest.Â
âItâs their fault.â âThis is so unfair.â âWhy does this always happen to me?â âOnly I get treated this way.â âThis is never going to change.âÂ
Strong people who are uncomfortable enough with the unrest of failing relationships, lack of career advancement, poor sleep and health habits and frustration with a stagnant life commit to do something about it.Â
But if that commitment isnât a look inside themselves theyâre just busying themselves with change for the sake of change on the treadmill to nowhere. Then when nothing changes not only are they unhappy, now they are exhausted and self-defeated because they think something is wrong with them.Â
Nothing is wrong with...
When They Are Talking About You
Ok - Intellectually we know we can't change what people say and can only change how we react. So, how do we stop overreacting, stop taking things personally, and stop the expectations and assumptions that leave us disappointed?Â
The answer is acceptance. Happiness is the shortest distance between what you want and what you have.Â
When we can observe our life and all our situations from a third part perspective without judgment there is a major shift to peace. Itâs like watching a documentary of your life. Itâs the fly on the wall perspective.Â
We accept others and situations at face value - not trying to change them or control them. And, most importantly, we accept ourselves the same.
In this spaceâŚ
We donât live in fear of all the things our thoughts tell us might happen.
We donât feel unseen, invalidated, disregarded, irrelevant or as if we donât matter.
We donât wallow in all the guilt and blame we use to avoid what we donât want to let go of.
We donât adopt shame and then a...
Releasing What No Longer Serves You
Releasing what no longer serves you it is harder than seeking what does because the answer is inside us, not external. It is far easier to blame and look outside of ourselves for a reason than own our part in the chaos.
Release requires awareness and humility. It demands giving up control. It calls us to name what weâre feeling that is in the way. It insists that we stand naked with vulnerability and say, âThis is scary. I feel alone and without power here.â And then you breathe. And breathe again. And breathe again. And you realize the world didnât end, youâre still alive and that something has changed. You feel lighter.Â
And you ask yourself why you didnât do that earlier. Why you wasted so much time in misery. Itâs because you werenât ready.Â
Wishing you readiness today.
If you want more executive presence tips hereâs a link to my FREE report:Â 31 Success Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate WorldÂ
Your coach,
Mary LeeÂ
P.S. Feel f...
The Seven Deadly Sins of Management
Years ago I read a book called the Seven Deadly Sins and agreed that the first among them was the most deadly - Pride. The greater our ego, the greater our pride, the lesser our humility and the greater propensity we have for failure. The people you have the most difficulty with have far greater difficulty with their own egos, need to be heard, desire to be recognized and rush for validation. Don't let that person be you.Â
The Seven Deadly Sins of ManagementÂ
- Pride that you are more capable than your employees. How gratifying is it to be dubbed âKing Know-It-Allâ when everybody hates your guts? When you make all the decisions and give continual directives it cuts off their ingenuity, independence and desire to take risk. Â
- Sloth in your dedication to develop your team. You develop projects but how often do you develop talent? When is the last time you asked an employee, âWhere do you see yourself a year from now? What project would you like to develop?âÂ
- Gluttony in your ...
How to Let Go When Youâve Tried Everything Else
By nature we home into a negative bias. Itâs how weâve evolved as a species and not become extinct - by keeping ourselves safe. We are very good at noticing danger - so good that our âdanger antennaâ is primed more than our âhappiness antenna.â Â
So how do we break through this false-prison-comfort-zone we trap ourselves in?Â
Certainly not by pressing down the gas peddle on more of the same - complaining, blaming, victimizing, playing it safe. These are the very thoughts we need to let go of to take the risks that bring growth. Â
Deal with the things you run from. It is the only way to let them go. Yes, itâs hard. But if we donât admit what feeling is at the root of our pain it will bubble up each time that feeling you havenât accepted is triggered. You may have felt abandoned, rejected, dismissed, hurt. Whatever it is examine it. Donât turn away. âI feel dismissed and it hurt.â Get curios. Familiarize yourself with it. This disarms its power.
Then put the brakes on negative paraly...
Here's a Practice to Have the Certainty Essential for YouÂ
I see a lot of my corporate executive coaching clients struggle with the balance of certainty and humility as a leader. They want to have the presence of a strong leader yet they donât want to appear arrogant or they have some self-doubt. Too often they dial back their executive presence as well as their voice. Here is a good strategy.
1. Listen intently to everything being said - from the 30,000 feet perspective not the 3 feet view.
2. Before you speak take a deep breath.
3. Ask a question before you voice an opinion. âCan please you clarify...?â âHelp me understand....â
4. Make a declarative statement that is unarguable and hasnât been expressed - no uptalk at the end. âWhat Iâve heard you say is (X)..... Iâm thinking we could......â
In the end the pause, the deep breath and the asking of questions gives you a moment to observe yourself in real time so that you may be deliberate not sporadic or guarded.
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to send this link to someone who coul...