Just Calm Down
Telling someone who is visibly upset to "Just calm down" is like saying, āJust stop overeatingā to someone who wants to lose weight. Intellectually, you know what you need to do yet your self-management skills arenāt keen enough to cease the behavior or the unresolved feeling. And quick fix advice such as ābe positiveā makes you feel worse because it denies the inadequacy you feel inside.Ā
I used to be more of what could have been labeled a ādistantā leader. Calming down was not my issue. Relatability was.
Three things changed that for me and for my clients struggling with how to manage emotions:
1) Allow them.
2) Be curious about them.
3) Be compassionate to yourself and others.
This wasnāt a quick fix. It was a repeated practice of continually taking myself through this exercise of self discovery which lead to self acceptance.
I was a single mother and only provider of four children who was stuck in survival mode. I neglected myself as I was taking care of everyone else. I had...
When Someone You Love is Dying and It Makes You Uncomfortable
I have a client who is struggling with the impending death of her father. Watching someone you love suffer and decline is excruciatingly painful. You want to help but you canāt. You want to escape the struggle with your own mortality but you canāt. And family members commence friction with each other that was never there before.Ā
There is no textbook on how to deal with a dying parent but one book I recommend made a big difference for me in shepherding my children through the death of their father. Itās called The Four Things That Matter Most.Ā
We canāt change the fact that we all will die someday. None of us are getting out of this alive. But we can be alongside someone who is dying. It is enough. We need not fill the silence with chatter. We need not feel inadequate because we canāt fix things or afraid of the human process. Embrace acceptance. Death is part of life. Being there is enough. āI canāt change this for you but may I just be with you.ā In the calmness of those moments as...
Stay connected with news and updates!
Recent Posts