Working Harder is Not the Answer
Do you think that working harder is the answer?
It sure is the way most of us worked our way to management roles - be really good at what you do and do it better and faster than others so leaders will notice.
Then they make you manager and you realize that the skills that got you here aren’t working. Being really good at your area of expertise isn’t enough.
So, you just work harder. Yet nothing changes.
Except now, you have an underperformer on your team who is bringing the median down, people aren’t showing up on time, there’s a lack of enthusiasm at meetings and the work pace has slowed.
Things only get worse. You are non-confrontational and avoid conversations that you don’t know how to have. You’re worried that your boss is noticing productivity. Your family is noticing that you are distant and irritable. Even when you’re home all you think about is work. You’re not sleeping or exercising and your desk drawer is filled with snacks....
I'm Invisible! - And Special Discount Until December 17th
Things are not working out in your job or in your personal life the way you had hoped. You're misunderstood and feeling ineffective, undervalued, and disregarded. People don't take you seriously. You are worried you don’t have the emotional intelligence, executive presence and influence to be a true leader. You’ve noticed your personal relationships are disjointed, too.
You’ve taken trainings, have met with mentors, sponsors and advocates and read all the books. You are working as hard as possible – to the detriment of your personal life. Others are more effective, liked better and advancing. While you’ve hit some goals, your forward momentum has plateaued. You aren’t getting noticed and you don’t have the personal freedom you desire. You feel invisible. You’re afraid this might be permanent.
You are not irrelevant. You are just unseen right now.
You’re convinced that you’re overwhelmed and...
Your 10 Step Career and Life Plan for 2024
After two decades as a CEO in various roles there are definitely distinct lessons I've learned over time from the challenges and successes I have experienced. I share these at this time of year because I know you may be thinking about the New Year. When we put thought into our actions we end up with results. When we let the year carry us without intention, we often end up disappointed.
Here are '10 Lessons from the Corner Office' and a link to a FREE tool to help you plan your career with intention in 2024.
- When we focus on what we have to give instead of what there is to get we realize our value.
- When we are curious and compassionate, we become servant leaders instead of command and control dictators.
- There is power in having your boss’s back. Find a way to do that or go somewhere you can. Don’t stay and poison yourself, your persona, and the culture.
- Good people leave organizations because of bad managers who don’t...
Half the Battle is Managing Your Own Ego
We all have an ego. It is our friend. It keeps us safe by scouting for danger. It’s why we aren’t extinct as a species. Humans are very good at protecting themselves.
Except mastodons and primitive tribes aren’t walking the earth today.
(I realize there are people in corporate cultures who may take exception to this.)
When we allow our ego to think doubt is danger, anxiety unfolds.
Worry is a symptom of anxiety.
Worry destroys peace and relationships.
Worry shows up as:
Distancing from people you care about
Shame
Intimidation
Insecurity
Playing small
Overcompensating
Assumptions
Victimhood
Expectations
Lack of purpose
No intention
Lack of intimacy
Confrontational
Here’s what it sounds like in your head:
“I better speak just so I can be noticed.”
“He always picks on me.”
“I don’t want to draw attention because what if I’m wrong?”
“I’ll never get a better job.”
“I don’t know what...
When You Are Uncertain
The opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty, it’s self trust.
We lose certainty in the face of doubt. At our worst we misconstrue doubt as danger and anxiety robs us of peace, our genius and executive presence. Then we lose the trust of our colleagues and the people closest to us. Mostly, we lose belief in ourselves.
In this space everything seems to crumble.
You’ll never win the battle to control your future.
Never. Don’t tire yourself on this treadmill to nowhere.
Tell yourself, “I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what the future holds.
“What I do know is that I trust I’ll be able to handle whatever happens. I trust I’ll have my best interests at heart.
”I trust I can be gentle with myself and strong against thoughts that don’t serve me. I trust being my best is enough.
”I trust myself, so I know I’ll be ok.”
If...
Don't Use These Phrases
Recruiters hate it when cliché phrases appear in resumes.
1. “I know how to work hard”
2. “I work well under pressure”
3. “I work independently”
4. “I am effective at solving problems”
5. “I know how to work in a team”
6. “I am proactive”
7. “I am a good communicator”
8. “I’m good at listening”
9. “My writing skills are excellent”
10. “I’m enthusiastic”
Don’t TELL them. Find a way to SHOW them. Lace these themes through stories and measurable key accomplishments in your resume. Your opinion of yourself is subjective. Your results are facts.
If you enjoyed this information, you can get to know me more and learn more about my podcast - The Still Space Podcast. This is where my guests and I share fun and simple strategies to manage yourself so that you can show up the way you want in work, relationships and life and not default to past behaviors...
An Invitation
This season, a lot of people reach out to me to ask about coaching because they are approaching the end of the year and they realize that not much has changed for them over the year. Nothing needs to change for you to be happy and satisfied in your life. Yet, sometimes we had hoped and even planned for things to be different, and it didn’t work out.
Below are a few links to help clarify the process of working with me to make it easy for you to decide what your New Year will hold.
People don't put off coaching because they don't believe it will work. They think that is the reason but it is not. They put off coaching because they don't believe in themselves and don't want to face more disappointment. This breaks my heart.
If you are sensing that this might be how you are feeling, here is a link to apply to work with me. Let’s get on a call to talk about what you want for your next six months. I'm looking forward to speaking with...
The Problem Behind the Problem
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What Gives Us Hope
It’s interesting how much hope and wisdom comes from having lived a full life.
Yet often with all our accomplishments we feel we’ve missed something.
That we don’t know what it all amounts to.
That we’re not sure we have purpose to our lives.
That retirement means an ending.
That we won’t be relevant after a layoff.
That the best years of our lives are behind us.
These are thoughts.
They are assumptions based on flawed beliefs that grew out of emotions we turn away from such as…
Fear
Regret
Sadness
Anger
Frustration
Confusion
When we learn how to honor the emotion and break the perseverative cycle of defeating thoughts with a go-to personal practice the world opens.
My mother is in a nursing home. It scares me sometimes to visit her because in my grief for her condition I also have to admit that I worry if I’ll end up the same way.
I acknowledge how...
Compassion is Hard When We Have Nothing Left to Give
Compassion is powerful. We all think we have it. And then we see something that makes us uncomfortable and we forget how to show it.
I’ve been paralyzed by this too. I had to work on how to feel, then demonstrate compassion when I had little of it for myself during a difficult divorce.
Lack of compassion shows up when someone close to you is grieving and you don’t know what to say or do so you avoid, when someone is suffering and you start wondering if their situation might happen to you, when you start comparing their situation to yours, when you’re frustrated that you can’t fix their situation, and when you’re so spent you don’t have anything left to give.
In all of these instances we make someone else’s suffering about us. Yes. We’re in our own heads and not their pain.
At work and in life this can look like detachment, cold, unfeeling, self-consumed, and ambition driven.
Compassion is an...