Do This to De-Stress
Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed such that you don't know where to begin? Then because you can't jump start anything that seems to work you become self-critical in the process and start taking everything personally.
"This will never get better. It always seems to happen to me. Nothing is working. I wish I could just stop being this way. When will I get a break?"
Here is a practice I share with my clients for when you feel stressed:
1. Notice how stress shows up in your:
a. Body = ________________
b. Feelings = _______________
c. Thoughts = ________________
2. Welcome stress. Get curious about it. The body, mind and thoughts are designed to heighten how we deal with stress. This is good unless fear takes over. Disarm fear by answering…
a. I am stressed about __________________________________ (WHAT?)
b. Dig deeper. Ask yourself WHY? 5 times: Why is that important to me?
Why is that important to me?
Why is that important to...
How to Stop the Self-Sabotage
We advance when we’re willing to stretch ourselves further than anything we’ve ever done. But it’s prickly and sticky there. Risky. We might fail. Yes. Fail. Hmmm. And then what? Did we die? Get physically hurt? Lose anything of great measure? Likely not. But we do have our feelings to deal with. So we allow them. These two are the hardest:
1. Judgment from others.
2. Self-judgment.
What really holds us back is perceived judgment that comes from perceived failure - from practicing failure in our heads before it happens.
When we turn away from the discomfort of difficult emotions, unfortunately we armor up with self-sabotage traits of perfectionism, assumptions, comparisons, expectations, more judgment and busyness which only lead to exhaustion, hopelessness and disappointment.
When we notice the judgment and accept that “this is just me judging” without self-criticism (What is wrong with me that I can't stop doing this?) and that...
When You've Been Through a Lot and Feel Alone
You know who you are, super heroes.
Here’s to you for not sitting back, for not whining, for making it work despite the odds, for taking risks in the face of doubt, for holding true to your priorities sometimes at the detriment of yourself, for having vision and finding a way, for listening and caring when you thought you had little to give, for being gentle with yourself when it seemed nobody was.
Here's to you for failing and starting again this time with wisdom, for swapping assumptions for the truth, for not letting comparison distract you from your goals and achievements, for wearing all the hats even when they didn’t all fit, for not needing to be right but for getting it right, for not being perfect but still awesome.
Here's to you for lying awake at night worrying about things outside of your control and accepting that no matter what happens you’ve got this, for understanding that judgment only makes you judge yourself far worse, for having the courage to...
Remove This
Dear Friend,
This image is so powerful to me. I’ve been an executive coach for more than 10 years and in everyone I’ve ever managed or coached I see a common theme coined by Mary Kay Ash that everyone wants to feel important. The more people seek validation of their relevance externally the more they are on the treadmill to nowhere. Imagine if you could feel important internally - knew that you were valuable and stopped seeking affirmation from outside sources. You’d show up differently - more at ease, less needy, more confident, less judgmental, more yourself. That’s the shift to freedom.
People often ask me, “How do you know if you have executive presence?” I tell them, “You have an understanding and acceptance of yourself with all your strengths and opportunities, know you have much to contribute, are curious and have a greater desire to get it right than to be right.”
Here's a short video I recently made if you are...
Do you feel invisible to Senior Leadership - and in your personal life?
You have worked yourself to the point of exhaustion and you’re done with feeling undervalued. Top leaders seem to pass you over time and time again only to promote and give opportunities to those with less experience and results. You’re getting resentful and noticing it affects your relationships, your weight and your sleep.
You’re starting to believe you waited too long to make a career move. You think you've wasted time not developing transferable skills. You’ve been passed over so many times that you believe you aren’t relevant anymore. You figure you are stuck where you are forever so maybe you should just give up on your dreams.
My personal mission is to see leaders with great character not have to doubt themselves any more - to help them rise to understand their inner wisdom and how to position it to thrive at work and in life.
This month I am opening 6 spots to join my new signature program - Corner Office...
Psychological Safety at Work
When a team feels they have psychological safety at work they’re not experiencing cynicism, personal agendas, bureaucracy and posturing. It’s up to us as leaders to provide that.
How?
By working on ourselves. The answer is not in a book or a training or a conference. It’s inside of you.
When we can go into the dark corners of our lives and root out what holds us back - what makes us insecure, we stop doing and tolerating these culture killing and self-defeating behaviors.
When we can stand our self-doubt up against our courage we make space for the truth - that we are all human and better when we support each other.
When we can accept that we’re not perfect especially in the face of regret, we soften to ourselves and then to others.
Nothing is permanent. We’re all a work in progress.
The human condition is happy when it feels safe and accepted. You deserve to be safe. You deserve the promotion or new job. You deserve...
Lack of Boundaries Kills Dreams
Short and sweet today because enough said in a few words.
You know someone has poor boundaries when they expect far more than they give and you end up feeling that you’re not enough. We have to draw boundaries around ourselves for our own self-preservation, executive presence and sanity. Boundaries start with being able to say, “No” or removing yourself from a conversation that goes nowhere.
Don't show them your worst side in defense of what is not yours to own. Don't let them shed their pain on you. It's not about you. You need not respond at all. Silence says everything.
If you want more executive presence tips here’s a link to my FREE report: 31 Success Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate World
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to forward this email to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in life looking for a hand to hold. Sometimes we must be the...
Do you feel invisible to senior leadership - and in your personal life?
You have worked yourself to the point of exhaustion and you’re done with feeling undervalued. Top leaders seem to pass you over time and time again only to promote and give opportunities to those with less experience and results. You’re getting resentful and noticing it affects your relationships, your weight and your sleep.
You’re starting to believe you waited too long to make a career move. You think you've wasted time not developing transferable skills. You’ve been passed over so many times that you believe you aren’t relevant anymore. You figure you are stuck where you are forever so maybe you should just give up on your dreams.
My peronal mission is to see leaders with great character not have to doubt themselves any more - to help them rise to understand their inner wisdom and how to position it to thrive at work and in life.
In February I am opening 6 spots to join my new signature program - Corner Office Freedom -...
The Call at the Door
Did you ever see images like this one and say, “but I really do want that promotion (new job, better relationships with my team, love in my life, connection with my family, etc.)”
“…it isn’t your door” doesn’t only mean that the door isn’t right. It also means that maybe you’re not in the right space to open that particular door. Maybe you’re more positioned to open doors that are congruous with the energy you put out in the world - doubt doors, undervalued doors, not good enough doors.
Those doors typically lead to more of the same - frustration, self-sabotage, perfectionism, disappointment, frayed relationships.
Achievers believe that if they just work harder things will get better because that strategy always served them. The truth is that plan, while a tenet of good character, isn’t a differentiator at the executive level. Everyone works hard there. And sometimes people who aren’t even...
The One Thing That is Missing
Dear Friend,
Have you ever really wanted something and yet allowed roadblock excuses to stand in the way? “I won’t have time?” “It’ll put too much pressure on me.” “It won’t work out so I don’t even want to try because I’ll be disappointed.”
Then the defeat we expect in remaining “safe” becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because we just put out negative energy surrounding the very thing we want, attracting the excuse we lay in the path of our desire.
This cycle is dreadfully repetitive and becomes a habit. We think intention is action yet it in this case it’s denial. And the more time we spend in this cycle the more we begin to feel like there’s something wrong with us, that it’s never going to change and it starts to effect other areas of our lives like eating habits, exercise, relationships and sleep.
The one thing that I’ve seen missing in clients when we start working together is...