Half the Battle is Managing Your Own Ego
We all have an ego. It is our friend. It keeps us safe by scouting for danger. It’s why we aren’t extinct as a species. Humans are very good at protecting themselves.
Except mastodons and primitive tribes aren’t walking the earth today.
(I realize there are people in corporate cultures who may take exception to this.)
When we allow our ego to think doubt is danger, anxiety unfolds.
Worry is a symptom of anxiety.
Worry destroys peace and relationships.
Worry shows up as:
Distancing from people you care about
Shame
Intimidation
Insecurity
Playing small
Overcompensating
Assumptions
Victimhood
Expectations
Lack of purpose
No intention
Lack of intimacy
Confrontational
Here’s what it sounds like in your head:
“I better speak just so I can be noticed.”
“He always picks on me.”
“I don’t want to draw attention because what if I’m wrong?”
“I’ll never get a better job.”
“I don’t know what...
This Misconception Costs Careers, Relationships and Satisfaction
This image illustrates the fallacy that hard work leads to recognition and advancement. That accessories will make you feel important. That salary equals fulfillment.
These are merely coverings we lay over our desire to be valued when we don’t believe in ourselves.
At a certain level everyone is working hard, earns a reasonable wage and has a nice pen or handbag.
Hard work can turn into the treadmill to nowhere if it is your only career strategy or your escape from things that are not working.
Negotiating for salary without a tool belt of signature strengths, how you’ve applied them, your measurable key accomplishments, your value proposition in a new role and a timeline for delivery is far less effective.
And the stuff you buy is a great way to treat yourself as long as it isn’t how you make yourself feel good when you doubt yourself.
Everything on the bottom of this image comes from an internal sense of self-worth.
I see this in my clients. Society tells...
Being Alone
Our natural state is to be connected to others - not separate and detached. This is not to negate the fact that we all need alone time to recharge our energy. When we repeatedly withdraw and are alone we aren’t fulfilled. It takes courage and humility to put down our guard. It takes self-acceptance, vulnerability and abandonment of perfectionism to create an open mindset of kindness.
Leaders who are real are relatable. Leaders with executive presence aren’t artificial. Their presence isn’t a facade. They have feelings just like everyone else. They just know how not to allow emotion to cloud their judgment and affect their behavior. They notice the emotion - doubt, anger, fear, sadness - realize it is likely an assumption and let it go before it takes over. Negative assumptions sabotage our connection with others and ourselves.
As humans we have the ability to mindfully observe our thoughts, situations and emotions from a third party perspective so that we may...
Four Things You Can't Get Back
We all have regrets. It’s healthy to reflect on what we’d do differently. I certainly regret some things I’ve said and done as I was figuring out the art and science of parenting. I’m still figuring it out and my children are in their twenties and thirties. I regret how self doubt showed up in my behavior at work early in my career. I overreacted, withdrew and often blamed myself far more than was helpful.
Corporations today value, promote and hire for self-awareness because it makes the employee coachable. The more self aware we become the more we can release assumptions that hold us back before we adopt them as mantras. “He’s never going to respect my work.” “I’m always the one left out.” “Every time I try harder the same thing ends up happening.”
Notice the thread. “Never...” “Always...” “Every...” Absolutes are deadly to progress. If you hear yourself...
Two Things that Convert Your Dreams to Reality
At the end of every week I try to reflect on one thing learned and one thing advanced. This builds self-awareness and focus.
This week I learned that just because you try something that doesn’t work out doesn’t mean your idea was wrong. Maybe the provider wasn’t right. Or the goal needs to be modified. Or the approach isn’t sound. I almost abandoned a strategy because of one let down. Another provider opened my eyes.
This week also I advanced a weekly planner I had been working on with my designer and wrote another article for The Ladders. This feels great! If you are interested in the free PDF week at a glance sheet - my Flow-on-the-Go Guide - that I use to track my daily routines and goals click here. This is what will be in my book. All my clients ue this. We need structure around building routines and creating goals to fulfill us. Without it goals are simply notions and routines become unfulfilled dreams.
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to send this...