What do you do when someone is jealous of you at work?
Jealousy is a wicked emotion that will leave you feeling powerless and empty until you can be vulnerable enough to admit the root cause of it and accept yourself with all your imperfections no matter what anyone else thinks, does or has. Most of the time we are dealing with our own jealousy of people who have what we think we deserve – a better job, more authority, better executive presence, a better life. Self-acceptance without expectations is king.
Sometimes, however, we are bound by the jealousy of others. You can feel their resentment by the way they respond to you – ignoring, dismissing, dirty looks, excluding.
Six Thing to Do When Someone is Jealous of You
- Allow him his feelings. It’s his journey not yours. It is not your job to change his feelings. It is your job to get along with him in a productive manner.
- Be true to yourself and a servant leader to all, including her. Treat her as you would anyone else. Don’t vary...
Eight Killer Meeting Ground Rules that Make People Compete to Be There
We’ve all been in meetings where we repeatedly check our watches. Our time is valuable. A well-run meeting makes people feel they are a part of progress – not process. Lead progress by first establishing a safe and productive environment with meeting ground rules. Email the rules to participants before the meeting. Post them in the room. People will come prepared to contribute to something that matters not observe, yawn and hope they don’t walk away with more on their to-do list.
Eight Killer Meeting Ground Rules
1.) The purpose of the meeting will be evident in the invite and placed where participants can see it. All relevant information is invited, and no other issues will be discussed.
2.) Everyone has a chance to speak without interruption.
3.) After everyone has spoken all will get to share final thoughts.
4.) No idea is a bad idea. All ideas and opinions will be respected.
5.) Ideas and opinions are encouraged to survive...
How to Let Go When Youā€™ve Tried Everything Else
By nature we home into a negative bias. It’s how we’ve evolved as a species and not become extinct - by keeping ourselves safe. We are very good at noticing danger - so good that our ‘danger antenna’ is primed more than our ‘happiness antenna.’
So how do we break through this false-prison-comfort-zone we trap ourselves in?
Certainly not by pressing down the gas peddle on more of the same - complaining, blaming, victimizing, playing it safe. These are the very thoughts we need to let go of to take the risks that bring growth.
Deal with the things you run from. It is the only way to let them go. Yes, it’s hard. But if we don’t admit what feeling is at the root of our pain it will bubble up each time that feeling you haven’t accepted is triggered. You may have felt abandoned, rejected, dismissed, hurt. Whatever it is examine it. Don’t turn away. “I feel dismissed and it hurt.” Get...
How to Keep Your Cool When Someone Threatens You at a Meeting
Dear {{first_name}},
Have you ever been in a high stakes meeting or in a conversation where someone challenges your position and you immediately start to feel the world closing in on you? Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl describes that moment this way ~ “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
It’s important to have actionable strategies when our thoughts take over and rule our actions. You are not your thoughts.
The Pause Café
When you feel anxious or aggravated practice what my clients and I call “The Pause Café.” It starts with a deep breath where you ask yourself, “What is going on with me?” Invite in the tension by being curious to it, not turning away. What we run from chases us down until we deal with it. Identify where the tension sits in your body. You may...
When You Aren't Sure What To Do
New SMART Leaders ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS. You know that risk you’re avoiding because it makes you uncomfortable and you’re really unsure about what will happen if you take it? Maybe you should pay attention to that.
Get curious about it. Is now the right time? What would change if you waited another month? Is it really an either or choice? What other options might there be? Who might be good counsel on this? How can you be gentle with yourself as you vet the decision?
Trust your gut and ask questions. Your pinhole perspective will start to open. You’re head is too analytical and you heart is too emotional. Trust instinct and challenge assumptions. It’s how we’ve stayed alive as a species for centuries. It will serve you in doubt.
Check out my latest column for The Ladders - $100,000+ job site here.
Your coach,
Mary Lee
P.S. Feel free to send this link to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in...
Warm is the New Cool
MINDFUL OF SELF AND OTHERS - OUCH!!!! Have you ever gotten off the phone with someone who called to ask you for help and felt like you'd just been worked over? Have you ever found yourself thinking, "There is something about that person I do not like or trust?" Trust your gut. Your head is too analytical and your heart is too emotional.
This happened to me yesterday when a person called me to help them regarding a positon I happen to know a lot about. This person was referred to me by a friend. It was for free advice. I agreed because of my work relationship with the other party. I was annoyed and put an end to what felt like an interview quickly after first turning the 'interview' on this person - to help this person realize the rudeness of the behavior. It didn't work. No self-awareness.
Don't doubt yourself. Believe in your instinct. Instinct has kept us alive as a species for centuries. If a perspective is that visceral it is trying to tell you something. Listen.
Note to Self -...
Mary Lee's Advice on Big Life and Career Reinvention: DISCOVER
You learned about statistics, cash flow, engagement, profit margins and productivity in college and business school. But you didn’t learn the tenets of how to uplevel your career or presence for higher performance and better income. It starts with the personal transformation of your mindset. If you are at a crossroads and ready to make a shift in your life here are eight steps that you can use right now to find clarity and disarm doubt.
Eight Discovery Steps to Make a Mindset Shift Right Now
D – Decide to Change. Tell people. Write it down. Be self-aware without judgment. Set deadlines to monitor your progress.
I – Investigate Yourself. What do you love to do? What do you observe in silence? What have you forgotten about your strengths?
S – Sit on Your Ego. Say nothing. Listen only. Forgive. Be kind to the unkind. They need it most.
C – Confront Your Head Trash. What fear is running your life? Face your fear. Talk to it. This...
5 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About Executive Coaching
At a certain level in leadership, everyone is smart, experienced and highly capable; those traits are no longer differentiators. Unfortunately, at this level, there are less supports for leaders who are struggling with an issue. Doubt shatters progress. More hours are not the answer.
At some point in a leader’s career, there may be an opportunity to hire an executive coach. Your organization may hire the coach but lately more individuals are hiring a coach themselves.
An executive coach is a qualified professional that works with individuals (usually executives, but also high performers) to help them gain self-awareness, clarify goals, advance to new roles, change industries, create better relationships, let go of something that holds them back, manage a difficult behavior, unlock their potential, achieve other developmental objectives, and act as a sounding board. They ask questions to help a leader clarify and resolve their own problems, some of which the leader may...
What the Oxford English Dictionary Doesn't Tell You About Moving Forward After Getting Fired
Recently a client of mine was terminated. He saw it coming. He wasn't happy in his role. He had been struggling with what action to take. Still, he is demoralized.
Below is the letter I wrote him.
I share it with you in an effort that it may bring comfort, direction and hope to you or a friend who may experience or have experienced the same thing.
If you are a manager you may have to layoff or terminate someone someday. Please do so with respect and grace.
If you are looking for resources to improve your leadership skills, this free Guidebook will be a great resource.
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Dear __________:
I am so sorry to hear what happened. That must feel so degrading and devastating after all you have accomplished in your life both professionally and personally. I would encourage you not to turn away from that pain but to “see” it, spend some time processing it and then stand up and say goodbye to it. You might even write down what you are feeling after you have witnessed it.
...
Why You're Failing at Embracing Your Success
If you ask the average person what they are most afraid of they will likely tell you something regarding failure – “I’ll make a mistake and embarrass myself.” “I won’t get picked.” “I will not pass the test.” “I will mess up and get fired.” “They won’t like me.”
Could You be Afraid of Success?
As humans we are wired to protect ourselves from danger with a negativity bias. This is how we have survived as a species. We are always scouting for threat. Except today it is not likely that a Mammoth will trample us so this fight-or-flight bias often does not serve us well. And sometimes the threat we fear isn’t even failure. Sometimes it can actually be the unknown consequences of success.
ARGHHH you say.
Not you.
You can’t wait for the Holy Grail of career success, romance, a thin waste, a beach house, or if you live in Pittsburgh – two sunny days in a row to arrive. Stay with me...