An Invitation
This season, a lot of people reach out to me to ask about coaching because they are approaching the end of the year and they realize that not much has changed for them over the year. Nothing needs to change for you to be happy and satisfied in your life. Yet, sometimes we had hoped and even planned for things to be different, and it didn’t work out.
Below are a few links to help clarify the process of working with me to make it easy for you to decide what your New Year will hold.
People don't put off coaching because they don't believe it will work. They think that is the reason but it is not. They put off coaching because they don't believe in themselves and don't want to face more disappointment. This breaks my heart.
If you are sensing that this might be how you are feeling, here is a link to apply to work with me. Let’s get on a call to talk about what you want for your next six months. I'm looking forward to speaking with...
The Problem Behind the Problem
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What Gives Us Hope
It’s interesting how much hope and wisdom comes from having lived a full life.
Yet often with all our accomplishments we feel we’ve missed something.
That we don’t know what it all amounts to.
That we’re not sure we have purpose to our lives.
That retirement means an ending.
That we won’t be relevant after a layoff.
That the best years of our lives are behind us.
These are thoughts.
They are assumptions based on flawed beliefs that grew out of emotions we turn away from such as…
Fear
Regret
Sadness
Anger
Frustration
Confusion
When we learn how to honor the emotion and break the perseverative cycle of defeating thoughts with a go-to personal practice the world opens.
My mother is in a nursing home. It scares me sometimes to visit her because in my grief for her condition I also have to admit that I worry if I’ll end up the same way.
I acknowledge how...
Compassion is Hard When We Have Nothing Left to Give
Compassion is powerful. We all think we have it. And then we see something that makes us uncomfortable and we forget how to show it.
I’ve been paralyzed by this too. I had to work on how to feel, then demonstrate compassion when I had little of it for myself during a difficult divorce.
Lack of compassion shows up when someone close to you is grieving and you don’t know what to say or do so you avoid, when someone is suffering and you start wondering if their situation might happen to you, when you start comparing their situation to yours, when you’re frustrated that you can’t fix their situation, and when you’re so spent you don’t have anything left to give.
In all of these instances we make someone else’s suffering about us. Yes. We’re in our own heads and not their pain.
At work and in life this can look like detachment, cold, unfeeling, self-consumed, and ambition driven.
Compassion is an...
When You Can't Let Go
You want to let go of that nasty, debilitating thought that gnaws at your peace, ambition and ability to show up for people you care about.
You try.
But doubt keeps weaseling itself back to the front of your mind and taking up more space every time it resurfaces.
You read self-help books.
You listen to podcasts.
You think about it a lot yet nothing changes.
You figure you’ll just work harder because that always worked before only now not only are you stuck, you’re exhausted. And people are distancing themselves from you.
You get hard on yourself because you can’t fix this.
You start to think there’s something wrong with you, that this will last forever and effect your relationships.
You notice that your are giving up hope.
The truth is…
The reason none of these things are working is two fold…
- The thing you think you need to let go of is likely not the root...
One Day You'll Realize
We become our worst critic when things start to go bad.
What if things weren’t going bad at all?
What if things were just happening on your road to figuring out what right path to take?
What if the way you relate to the difficult things that happen could change?
What if you believed everything you need you already have?
What if you had the courage to let all the drama of discord settle like snow in a snow globe?
What if what you see isn’t anything that you expected?
What if it was a little scary at first and you were ok with that?
What if what used to be chaos is now clarity?
That’s freedom.
You can’t be at your best when you are plagued with fatigue and defeat – when you aren’t fresh, innovative and excited.
I learned this the hard way. As a chief executive I got to a point where I ceased to be willing to subrogate my wellbeing for my career and learned a...
It's a Superpower
I have one distinct trait that stands out among everything I do.
I see people. I see their genius very clearly. And I can get to the root of what is in the way.
I've had this quality my entire life. It used to get me in trouble because I always asked a lot of questions. It's no surprise that after a long day in my CEO role I ended up coaching in the late afternoons and early evenings.
Sometimes people don't want to go into the dark corners of their lives. I'm fascinated by the dark corners because I know by experience how empty they are and that I can shed light there.
I see when someone has lost their magic. This is the saddest for me and is when I am especially attentive to someone’s pain.
I see when people are in their own way.
I see when ‘business’ has taken the place of acceptance.
I see a life change when someone shifts from resentment, aloneness, blaming and complaining to confidence, connection...
Can We Please Normalize PTO? (and Announcement!)
Can we all please normalize appreciating PTO. Arnie and I decided a long time ago that we have to be the ones to prioritize our wellbeing. We didn’t wait for retirement to get the beach house. We don’t wait for retirement to travel. We don’t wait for retirement to regularly visit our children out of town. We don’t wait for retirement to take up hobbies, new sports, creative endeavors, meet new friends. We don’t have a bucket list. We live it every day.
I've spent most of my career as an execuitive at hospitals all to often seeing people retire, think they're going to do everything they've been waiting their whole lives to do, and an illness stops them in their tracks. Don't wait. Scale your dreams to what is reasonable and live them now.
Arnie and I are both high achievers and realize that sometimes doing our best means reflecting on what’s in the way of that happening.
The American culture has convinced many people that the work...
Can We Please Normalize PTO?
Can we all please normalize appreciating PTO. Arnie and I decided a long time ago that we have to be the ones to prioritize our wellbeing. We didn’t wait for retirement to get the beach house. We don’t wait for retirement to travel. We don’t wait for retirement to regularly visit our children out of town. We don’t wait for retirement to take up hobbies, new sports, creative endeavors, meet new friends. We don’t have a bucket list. We live it every day.
I've spent most of my career as an execuitive at hospitals all to often seeing people retire, think they're going to do everything they've been waiting their whole lives to do, and an illness stops them in their tracks. Don't wait. Scale your dreams to what is reasonable and live them now.
Arnie and I are both high achievers and realize that sometimes doing our best means reflecting on what’s in the way of that happening.
The American culture has convinced many people that the work...
Five Things I Learned on My Family Vacation
Recently, my family was together for a summer vacation and get-together in my hometown. Some of my family live here. My oldest daughter and her husband and two children came to visit. Additionally, four of our other children who live here got together in some form with the group nearly every day over a 10-day timeframe. There was much laughter, deep conversations, some drama and a lot of love.
I was a little sad when everyone left to go home to their daily lives. I was a little surprised by some things that occurred last week and questioned why some things are the way they are. Mostly, I felt full - full of being loved and giving love. I will share how I got to this pace despite drama and how I stay there. Even if I wander off the path, I know how to get back on it to get home.
A long time ago I read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the advice always serves me well.
#1) Be impeccable with your word.
#2) Don't take anything personally.
#3)...